financial worries- need to hear that it will be okay

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  • #7506 Report

    emg2506
    Participant

    Hi

    I am new to the forum and to be honest I’m just needing to hear some success stories of how women have got through separation. My husband and I recently separated, I am looking for a place to rent in a very expensive area of our city which is where the marital home is and where my daughter’s school is.

    I am beside myself with money worries, my husband has a good income and I have always been a low earner , although what I have earned I have contributed to the joint finances ( for my own sense of self respect) and unlike his my contributions have not been quantified. I took 6 months off after having a child  8 years ago as I needed to get back to work as I am quite an ambitious work focused person however I found it very difficult to get professional level work because of the effects of the recession.

    I have just completed a masters and am looking at developing my confidence through a returners programme so to cut a long story short at the moment I am not earning.

    I feel desperate and I know that this desperation could drive me to make poor choices  i.e. to take on a grotty flat because it is cheap (my husband is paying for half of the rent). I have no intention of taking on something that is too expensive, I’m good with money but I feel that I have lived hand to mouth since my daughter was born despite us having a healthy income, my husband stresses about money too and I have always felt ‘less’ because I have been financially dependent on him.

    Any advice most welcome xxx

    #7514 Report

    Anon
    Participant

    Hi there. Can I get this right? You have been married for some time and have brought your daughter up? Will your daughter live with you and you have to leave the fmh?

    Well in marriage your contribution in looking after your daughter is equally in value to the “financial” contribution your husband has made.

    i don’t know if you have sought legal advice yet but you will be entitled to a minimum assets on 50/50 split. Everything goes into the pot!

    your ex could apply for a mescher varying the split of assets, don’t fall for it.

    courts do welcome mediation as an initial step. For some it does work others it doesn’t .

    is it possible to start writing down all of your financial obligations and incomings?this will help with a form e if it comes to it.

    I empathise totally as I went through a similar situation and it’s hard.

    your comment about living hand to mouth  and this being unnecesary is all too common and you can prove this easily via bank statements etc.

    good luck

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