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  • #42533 Report

    Em B

    Hi there

    I’m just after some advice from anybody who is in a similar situation to me.

    i have a 7 year old daughter and I divorced her dad last November following years of mental and financial abuse which turned physical towards the end .

    He suddenly stopped paying any child maintenance in December .ive reported him to CMS- complete waste of time !
    He requested through our solicitors to start paying half of our joint mortgage ( I had been paying it for years on my own ) He paid twice then has defaulted for past 6 months .

    Has anybody been through anything similar ? My mortgage company have been great but unfortunately there is not a lot they can do . I find it disgusting that financial abuse is still clearly happening to me and I feel powerless to stop it .

    Sorry for long message . Thanks xx

    #42588 Report


    Hi I’m not sure I have any advice but am going through something similar.

    My partner of 13 years and I separated 8 months ago. He moved out of the family home that I still live in with our 3 children. Long story short he was also controlling with finances and most aspects of my life. His behaviour escalated and he ended up being arrested and there is now a court undertaking in place that prevents him from coming within a certain distance of the home.

    He finally stated paying child maintenance two months ago but I have now had a letter from the CMS saying that he has provided them with proof that means this has now halved. He is in exactly the same job not affected by COVID ect so I don’t know how this can be. Apparently it will take them up to 12 weeks to investigate!

    He refuses to contribute to our 50/50 mortgage or to discuss it. He is ignoring all correspondence from my solicitors. As I’m sure you know this is a long process but in the mean time I am stuck with what to do with the mortgage. Did you just pay all of yours??  My mortgage company hsbe bern good but just say we are both liable and if needs to be paid. I also feel completely powerless.


    Sorry not much help at all but you are not alone!

    #42589 Report


    When you divorced why didn’t you separate finances and get rid of him? If he pays anything or none at all and his name is on the mortgage paper he is entitled to half of the property. Can’t you buy him out or sell up & get somewhere smaller

    #42620 Report

    Em B

    Thanks Jess .

    im sorry you are going through this .

    i had been paying my half of the mortgage but think from next month I’m going to pay the full amount so the arrears don’t keep mounting up .

    its so frustrating isn’t it ?
    my mortgage company says they are not doing repossessions until may 2021 but obviously don’t want to get to that stage xx

    #42621 Report

    Em B

    Hi -we didn’t finalise finances when we divorced as we had been to court numerous times and my solicitors bill has exceeded £9,000.

    he currently won’t agree to sell the house so looking at court again to try and sort this xx

    #42639 Report


    I went to court to sort out the financial stuff when i divorced, and it’s still taken me years to get the sale of our house through (he’s still living in it I left with the kids).  As he put the mortgage solely in his name so i ‘wouldn’t be bothered by it’ (controlling, abusive,  manipulative, coke addicted arsehole) i had no right to stay in the house but was entitled to a share of the equity (my mum sold us her house for £100k less than market value).  I left five years ago and it took me 3.5 years to get the court order and divorce through and another year and a half of going backward and forward to court to get the sale through. I owe the buyers, the estate agent and especially my solicitor a bottle of champagne when it all finally goes through it has been a long difficult process for us all.

    My solicitor gave me a fixed price for the financial settlement work and i paid court fees on top.  It can be a long process but worth it to get everything sorted out.

    #42640 Report


    This is not good, our finances were agreed at second hearing. Within 6 months our finances were split and the house sold to me. Obviously the legal fees did not help and it cost 50k In legal fees.

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