Feeling worse than ever
1 February 2021 at 5:48 pm #48914
Yes that is correct I didn’t go straight into another relationship. I traveled , did volunteer ing and took up some hobbies from these activities I met new people to talk with and from there I made good friends! This healed me for the better.
If people think by moving straight to another relationship is the solution then good for them . Staying in and focus on negative us not the solution.when you volunteer and see starving homeless people who are begging just to talk with someone then you will think differently1 February 2021 at 8:32 pm #48917
I have to agree with Sherinam re being content with your lot before adding a new partner into the mix. The fact is that if life continues as it currently is, then you’ll be restricted to meeting a new partner at work. If you’re not able to create other opportunities then that’s it. Only you know what you’re opportunities are there, I’m guessing minimal and dating folks from work creates it own potential problems.
There’s a thing called emotional dependence, and it makes you very vulnerable. Relying upon someone else to ‘complete you’ or make you feel happy leaves you open to becoming very broken again. Do not gift the responsibility of your happiness to someone else.
This is not the same as feeling complete when you finally meet the right person1 February 2021 at 8:41 pm #48918
I go walking every day and I meet new people . I don’t understand what Benefits there are by staying in and becoming a hermit and then moaning about it .
There are lots of volunteering work out there where you can increase your circle of friends and eventually breaks the monotonous cycle.there is even nextdoor.co.uk which links you with hobbies etc..1 February 2021 at 9:24 pm #48919
Sounds like you need a hobby. long term.
In the meantime, get out, fresh air, exercise that sort of thing.
Don’t underestimate the benefits of just looking up at the sky when you are out for a walk.
Think about where you want to get to in life and make a plan of how you are going to achieve that.
Your situation isnt as bad as some….trust me !
You have contact with your children, and although it might not be what you want you do still have good regular contact.
Its a bit concerning about the allegations that are being raised against you. I suggest you protect yourself by wearing a gopro body camera or voice recording all the contact you have with your ex and ex’s new partner. Proof is better than just your word against her’s.
Chin up bro !2 February 2021 at 12:18 pm #48939
The trouble is, I work full time (not currently as I’m still recovering from covid) and have the children every weekend, so I don’t know when I’m supposed to take up all these new hobbies etc! I went for a walk yesterday for the first time in weeks and felt worse afterwards as the last time I walked to where I did yesterday was with my children and wife during the first lockdown (before she left me) so it reminded me of family times in the past. I just can’t cope with my current thought processes. Even seeing valentine’s adverts make me instantly think about how I’ll be all alone and my ex will no doubt be spending most the day in bed with her partner. How can she find happiness so easily, literally two months after leaving me she’d already moved in a new house with a new bloke and yet here I am still totally cut up over everything?! I just can’t see how going for a walk or whatever is going to ever fill the void of being alone. All I’ve wanted since I was younger was to be in a happy loving family, married with children. I’ve had that for a few years and now it’s been taken away and the person I had that life with is now living that life with someone else and its killing me. I’m scared that I’ve lost that kind of life for good (not many people will want to get with a guy who already has kids I doubt) and if my complete and utter lack of interest and replies on the dating sites tell me anything, it’s that I’m right to think that I’m not going to find anybody!!2 February 2021 at 12:44 pm #48944
your not alone, you have your kids. ok they don’t live with you full-time. there are some dads that have lost everything, even the ability to see their kids! be grateful for what you have. Do not enter a relationship when your not mentally ready for it. otherwise all you will do is talk about your ex, and that is a major put-off, and a red flag that you have not gotten over your ex. we all feel the pain of the broken family unit. best we can do is try to make sure the kids have a stable upbringing. focus on your kids. start planning activities for them. can’t do anything now really because of lockdown, but this will start to ease come march-april time. what are your plans for summer? think ahead.2 February 2021 at 2:22 pm #48949
Sherinam- believe me when I say this, but I would not go back with my ex. Not in a million years. The first 3/4 years were amazing but the last couple of years were horrible. I was sleeping on the sofa every night, we’d argue on a daily basis, if I even tried giving her a cuddle she’d push me off, we never really spent time together, for the last few months (during lockdown) she would spend 1 or 2 days a week (along with our children) round her mum’s etc, so the thought of going back to that is such a bad thought. But at the same time, I’ve been sitting here 24/7 (especially while I’ve been ill) with literally nobody to talk too, nobody to interact with and this feeling is worse than I ever felt, even during our worst times together. It’s not my ex that I want, is a family life and love that I want from my life. I almost feel like I’m being berated for wanting love and companionship in my life!2 February 2021 at 2:55 pm #48953
sherinam thats bit harsh. he is on here seeking support. Brokenman check message I sent you. Most of us have experienced what your going through.2 February 2021 at 3:49 pm #48977
Sherinam mbe get a grip….he’s Dying of loneliness and he’s just getting over covid.And is it so dreadful if somebody wants you to listen to their grief for two minutes?! Liiiiike what IS society like? FYI being completely on your own for a day or two then more, is enough to make anyone say odd things.That’s why some countries use solitary confinement as a form of torture.He’s not negative, he’s just going through some negative stuff and right now he can’t see any silver linings or lights at ends of tunnels etc.
Brokenman besides for the fact that I intensely dislike your username,I can imagine what you’re going through bc I’ve done some of it myself.2 February 2021 at 3:51 pm #48979
Seriously? So you think that someone struggling and going through a tough time mentally is a “sap” and draining your energy? Nobody forced you to answer and reply to my thread! You seem to think that all it takes is a walk in the woods and to take up knitting or something and all my issues will be solved. Im sorry if you think that I should be full of the joys of spring in my current situation! I thought this website was supposed to help struggling people and to be there for others, not to make people feel worse by ridiculing and judging them. You don’t seem to have paid any attention to what I’ve actually been saying or talking about and instead just feel the need to tell me how great you are because of how you dealt with your situation. Not everyone is as strong as you. You may have felt comfortable getting out there and doing new things, but we aren’t all like you and I feel very sorry for you if you think everyone can cope in the same way as you did, as that shows your naivety and how far from the real world your thoughts are!2 February 2021 at 4:17 pm #48984
No.Don’t do the knitting thing or you might be tempted to stab her or something.But you should def do something,one off and crazy to shake off the cobwebs.2 February 2021 at 4:55 pm #48986
Broken man I completely understand what you are saying – you are grieving for the family life you have lost and not specifically for your ex. The fact your ex has moved on makes u feel worse as u feel shes sailed off into the sunset to have a happy family with your children – it is very normal to feel like that, I suppose you need to go through a grieving process for this huge loss. Times are really hard at the moment- loneliness is very real for a lot of us and it does make u feel very lonely but it won’t be for ever – hang in there in a few months we shld be allowed to see people again. You shld reach out to friends dont think they are too busy with their own lives – let people know you are feeling low – they will make more of an effort if you let them. Please don’t be put off of reaching out on this forum because of other comments, the majority of us know what u are saying and what u are going through and we totally understand !! Just remember one thing – your children love u and they always will – try to think of them as much as u can2 February 2021 at 5:09 pm #48987
Michelle here, one of the forum moderators. This is just a note to let you know that several of the posts within this thread have been removed in line with our community guidelines. As a result, some of the comments may appear to be out of context.
Michelle25 February 2021 at 10:31 am #50177
I hope it’s ok to write on this thread again, but things still aren’t getting any better/easier so wanted to talk about it on here and to just get things off my chest!
I’m r ally having silly thoughts and my jealousy etc is getting ontop of me.
This will sum up how silly my thoughts are and how stupid I’m being. Although I’m (like everyone) is fed up of covid and the lockdowns (I live in the UK) and I can’t wait to see my friends (even though I don’t have many!) Again, I’m actually also not very keen on lockdown ending in June as planned, because that will mean my ex and her partner will be able to really start their lives together and doing things such as meals out, nights out, holidays etc. Back when I was happy with her, we loved our meals out, drinks out, cinema, holidays (we went to Rome, Mallorca and for our honeymoon Portugal) and they were really special times, but they are so painful to think about now, and the thought of the two of them doing things like this is really upsetting me! I don’t know why though and I know how silly it sounds, but it really is scaring me!
She also text me yesterday to ask if I’d like to have the girls from this morning and keep them until Sunday evening, which I jumped at straight away. Any chance I get to be with the children I will always take. It when she text me, she had a little dig. Her text said “I know you won’t be seeing anyone and you’ll be alone like you have been for the last 7 months and will be for the long term future, so I wondered if you want the girls from tomorrow morning till Sunday evening as me and *her partner’s name* want some… Alone time”! So not only is she rubbing it in that I am alone, lonely and will be for good, she’s also rubbing it in about her and her partner being close and intimating the fact that they will be getting “intimate” over the next few days. I wanted to scream, about, cry, throw my phone and jump out of my flat window all at the same time.
I don’t know how much more of these thoughts and feelings I can take to be honest.25 February 2021 at 12:50 pm #50243
She is just trying to appeal to the worst of you and you did well. Quite a few are jumping on the waggon, I ‘d rather not have the kids if that means she can’t be with him. That is probably what she wanted you to do. Just remember the times with your children will always be memories you cherish. And any of these memories will compensate for what you suffer now in loss. If she can’t have a good time with her new partner and the children, she might have some problems already. You did the right thing. I always though when she is happy, she treats the children right. Didn’t always work but helped me a lot.
Stay strong buddy .