feeling vulnerable..

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  • #8638 Report

    darren144
    Participant

    Hello

    new to this single parenting stuff after finding out a twenty year relationship was not enough for the ex.

    We are co parenting so far after me making some major changes in my work patterns to allow me to share custody on a 7 day on and off pattern, but Im so worried that the ex will try and change what ive put in place to suit her and the new squeeze, i feel like in totally exposed to their hidden agenda with no power other than to react, can anyone give some pointers from experience that i can  work on to feel a be more secure, as i cant trust anything the ex says after causing this to happen.

    Thanks in advance

     

    #8639 Report

    Empty
    Participant

    Well, I know how unsettled you feel (cos I’m there too – we all are on this forum!) but probably for now it’s best not to over-think or future-think too much. You don’t know they have a hidden agenda, you just feel like everything seems uncertain. Have you got the agreement written down – if possible, use the format of a Parenting Plan. You don’t have to get it signed by a solicitor or anything, but if she’s happy to sign it and you both keep a copy, then any deviation can later be discussed in mediation or court. CAFCASS offer an online form you can invite her to review and edit – but I warn you it doesn’t allow much writing space so it’s difficult to be too specific. There is a more helpful word document – I’ve got a blank I can email but I can’t remember which site I got it from – oh no, someone emailed it to me, that’s why. Anyway, a search should help you find it – lots of sites offer to sell you a template of their own or provide help – completely unnecessary, don’t do it. The template I’ve got is broken into sections such as Communication and tells you what sort of things you should address. Try to be specific where you feel it matters and you don’t want it to be misinterpreted at a later date.

    Let me know if I can help. All the best. Actually, what I could also do is cut and paste each section as a separate post here and you can cut and paste into Word. Let me know what’s best for you.

    #8642 Report

    darren144
    Participant

    Hi and thanks for taking the time to reply!

    I had thought about getting something in writing but thought that if its written and something genuine comes up then it then becomes a weapon to use against…. I really not liking this new prestressed  feeling thats constantly in the pit of my stomach, but hopeful it will become less obvious as time goes on.

    And not overthinking things sounds like a wonderful dream….

    Im happy with giving a email as long as it doesnt break any rules?

    #8643 Report

    Empty
    Participant

    Well you can PM and if I choose to email you that’s up to me. I think the writing down thing needs to be fairly “light”. It’s not a weapon if you can discuss amicably. If suddenly you can’t that’s what mediation is for, and maybe that will lead to a new PP. Obviously, if you draft something you can welcome her to discuss or change and you keep going back and forth until you’re both happy. It’s not supposed to be a weapon. You’ve already made some decisions about joint parenting so it sounds like you can agree on some things. You just want to make sure it doesn’t drift unnecessarily over time. The PP isn’t legal (and won’t be if you just agree it together for the good of the children). But if you’re worried about drift you can reasonably prove would you agreed at the beginning.

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