Sorry of this is story is a bit back to front… around 9 months ago I literally caught my husband of 13 yrs (together for 20) in the act with my neighbor. Obviously I asked him to leave me and our child. Rewind 13yrs… I was going to leave him as he was drinking so much and making me miserable. He got seriously ill and lost his memory. I decided to stay as I did love him and wanted him to get better. Fast forward to to us being together 15yrs( married now and having a child together). I’m miserable again as my husband was so controlling, I didn’t go out , he did. I even suspected an affair that he assured me was not true. He said there was something wrong with me and wanted us to have marriage counselling. I refused as I thought he needed anger counselling. The affair I caught him with my neighbor on was at the same time he was trying to get me to go to counselling! I’ve been doing great as well as to be expected. My husband and neighbor moved in together pretty much straight away 2 streets from me! Fast forward to me being separated for 9 months… I feel so lonely, tired and down. My kid does keep me going but all I seem to do is eat, sleep, work and repeat. I feel it’s so unfair I’ve been the glue and strong one all theses years. Now I’m still the glue but on my own whilst my husband gets the best of both worlds just as he always has.
After 20 years you’re still new to the single parent business after only 9 months. Do try to cut yourself some slack and prioritise selfcare.
Have you heard of The Freedom Programme? Might be worth looking into. Also, the Women’s Aid Forum is really friendly and there will be other people who have been through something similar who may be able to relate to how you’re feeling.