Feeling trapped

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  • #13680 Report

    Brookej28
    Participant

    Hi all.

    I am a 27 year old, unmarried mother of 2 girls, ages 1 & 4.

    I am not on the mortgage of the house I currently live in with their father.

    We’re going through a bad time and I am really not happy. I’m at the point I want to leave, but I wanted to gain all of the info on my rights and the children’s rights before I do so.

    As you can appreciate I am very apprehensive to take this step, as I don’t work or drive etc. I feel I will have nothing  but I feel it needs to happen. If anyone has any advice, it would be very appreciated. Thank you x

    #13686 Report

    Gemsy123
    Participant

    Hi

    Sorry to hear your feeling unhappy but I know exactly how you feel. I’ve recently split from my husband, we were together 17 years and have two little girls (2&4). We’ve been unhappy for some time and one of the biggest things that prevented me from leaving was the fear of the unknown. I thought I wouldn’t manage on my own being together from the age of 16 he was all I had ever known. I didn’t pay the bills or sort anything other that the shopping and children, so it was very daunting to me. I’m 4 months in and do you know what it’s not a breeze and I’m still figuring stuff out financially and emotionally but it’s not as bad as I thought it would be. I can’t really offer any advice but the one thing I’ve learned is not to be too proud to ask for help wherever it may come from (CAB were a great help). I’m lucky and have really good friends and family that have helped me and are still helping me sort myself out. As long as I’ve got them and my beautiful girls I know I will be ok. I hope you find the courage you need to help you. I wish I’d of been braver and made the decision sooner.

    Here if you want to chat x

    #13696 Report

    Brookej28
    Participant

    Thank you both for your advice :).

    Gemsy I am the same. I feel pathetic saying that but he pays the mortgage, bills etc. Like you, I just sort the food shopping and whatever my girls need basically. To the outside world my life looks pretty cushty!

    What did you do about housing? That’s my biggest worry. Once that’s sorted I would hope everything else will slot into place x

    #13697 Report

    Sherinam
    Participant

    All I can say is do not leave the home because you will find it hard to get back in. Someone i know found the partner with another woman and stormed off for a few days taking the child.

    When she returned he had changed the locks as the mortgage was in his name and he felt he could do what he wanted

    • It took her almost 18 months to get back into the property after going to court.
    #13698 Report

    Brookej28
    Participant

    But if I’m not happy I won’t want to get back in lol x

    #13700 Report

    Gemsy123
    Participant

    It doesn’t sound pathetic at all, and yes to the outside world we do look like we’ve got/had it easy. There is no point in staying for an easy life if your not happy. You are still really young and deserve to be happy and that’s something I’m only just starting to get my head around now. Im on the mortgage but I don’t know if I can stay in the house as I’m not sure I can afford it on my own. I don’t yet know my legal rights (Going to see a solicitor tomorrow) but I’m hoping I can stay put. I know that he can’t afford to pay maintanence, half the mortgage and have money left to rent himself somewhere so I might have to sell but it’s not the end of the world if I do. I don’t have the funds to fight him all the way legally so I’m hoping we can be grown ups about it and sort something out. At the end of the day if we sell or not he still has to provide a roof over his children’s heads. If he chooses to not be grown up about it I’ve always got my parents to fall back on and could stay with them short term(never thought I might be going home again😬😬). Either way it will sort it’s self out and if all else fails I can go and get housed with the council on a temporary basis. If I’d of said to myself 4 months ago you’ve lost your husband and maybe now loosing your home I would of been a nervous wreck and wouldn’t of been able to deal with it. I now know that I can do it and get through it. I’m a women who has had to become strong for my kids and will do whatever it takes to protect them. At the moment I’m being strong for them and I hope in the near future it will not be for them but for myself. I then can learn to be happy again. xx

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