Feeling stupid

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  • #9904 Report

    Al02
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    so me and my partner split up officially before Christmas. Since I got pregnant with our son in 2016 everything changed between us. I was put on the back burner he started going out every week end and blowing money that we needed not only for bills but for our baby. He started lying to me and not coming home. My pregnancy wasn’t the best in the begining i suffered with bad bleeds and was told I was having a misscaraige and had to have emergency scans. I would phone him when I really needed him and was scared and in pain at home alone and he would not come home he would lie or turn he’s phone off. Being as soft as I am I let things slide as I did not want anything more to go wrong with my pregnancy. I ended up being induced due to having pre eclampsia, a severe case of SPD and our baby wasn’t growing. This whole experience should have brought us closer together as I began to depend on him for a lot. after having our son I became really depressed and anxious that took its toll also but I still made effort and always wanted to go do things as a family and even just the two of us but he didn’t want that he would say he’s week ends are he’s days as he worked mon-fri so that meant no time for us just drinking and whatever else with he’s friends.

    He then got sacked from work as he was always phoning in sick for no other reason than being hungover which put us in a really difficult position financially. He relied on me and I got him through it he still enjoyed going out with he’s friends and doing what he wanted when he wanted while I never got that time because he wouldn’t take care of our son and I had terrible anxiety and didn’t want anyone else but one of us to take care of him.

    He found new employment and I thought things were going to pick up and we were going to sort it out but it got worse I was still paying for every thing all the bills, shopping everything! While he was saying he had no money that he’s work wage was crap etc etc.

    I had a terrible feeling about something and I know I shouldn’t have but I went through he’s phone… He had been spending all of he’s money on bets and cocaine and I had no idea. he also had been messaging girls from he’s past which I would be completely fine with but he forced me to delete any male exes or friends off all social media yet he was sneakily messaging girls.

    It really hurt and I just told him to leave I felt broken and betrayed and I’m still trying to understand what I did so wrong to him that I don’t deserve to be a priority or I don’t deserve the truth. It all goes round and round in my head I would ask him questions such as “are you talking to another woman even if just as friends” he would laugh in my face call me a paranoid freak but I was right and for so long I felt stupid for feeling paranoid when I had reason too!

    anyway, I have no idea how but things started to pick up again when he moved out he is still living with he’s parents and I live alone with our son. because things have been going well and we did agree to try work it out really slowly he asked if he could slowly start the process of moving back home in the summer.. this has got me questioning everything do I let my guard down and see how it goes and see if it works or do I listen to the anxiousness and put an end to it all now? Im so scared hes going to make me feel how he has done for the past 2 years I just don’t know what to do

     

    please help ☹️

    #9905 Report

    Empty
    Participant

    I don’t think anyone can tell you an answer to this. He sounds like he’s controlling, a drug user, unfaithful, abusive, and is going to drain your resources. Pretty much a terrible partner and father. The question is has he genuinely changed and will he stick to it? It’s not impossible but it does seem unlikely. The only one who can decide is you. I’d probably suggest he doesn’t move back this summer (why the sudden rush?) but you see how he behaves in the meantime. There’s no need to rush back into a relationship with him – let him win you back if he wants to try. I wouldn’t leave him on his own with your son. You have to discover if his life really has turned around. If not, then breaking up a second time after he’s moved back will be even harder. And possibly dangerous. If he has then there’s nothing wrong with observing for a longer time with some distance between you.

    But as I say, it’s your call.

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