Feeling so lost and angry
31 July 2018 at 9:10 pm #14041
I’ve just joined here as in desperate need of some sort of support as feeling so low. I’ve recently separated from my husband and we are now living separately. We have two young daughters together and I feel I’m struggling to look after them on my own but I also don’t want to ever live with my husband again. Im so angry and irritable with everything at the moment and cant see any way forward or how things are going to get better. I’m literally living for my gorgeous girls and that is it:-( Just wondered if anyone had any positive thoughts or advice or how to get through these early days following separation?
Thank you x31 July 2018 at 9:33 pm #14042
I know exactly where you are as I’ve been it that same place during the last 6 months. I struggled to see any future and only thinking of that didn’t help.
dont look to far ahead as your lost and you don’t know what’s ahead. Look short term.
A program that’s on in the next week or a meeting with a friend. Somthing to target as a I’ll get to there, and then repeat with somthing els.
your daughters need you, and you are doing better than you think. Would they really be better with your ex and with out you around? I know it can feel like that but I know I am the better pearent. This split is hard on them as well. They need you there for them.
It it is hard, trust me your better off living separately, I tried living with her and lasted 7months but she was bringing him back to the house and sleeping together across the hall.
music works as well, some songs off my play list.
When you love someone
ill keep the kids
You need me I don’t need you
all the best.
there some of the songs that helped me.
obviously depending on your mood and situation they may not speak to you.
try to avoid songs about giving up.
4 months ago I ran in to the middle of a motorway and was centimetres away from running in front of a truck. Now I’m the primary career for my kids and loving having them. They were away last weekend and instead of sitting home alone I went out dancing alone.
its hard, really really hard but YOU ARE A GOOD MUM, and you have daughters who NEED YOU NOW MORE THAN EVER.
i hope I’ve helped a little.31 July 2018 at 9:37 pm #14043
It may or may not help as I realise in the very early stages things are raw. But what I found is the time can be useful to reflect. What was good about the relationship, what wasn’t? To tackle the anger, what could you have done better in the relationship that you could take forward in life for potential future relationships (which I realise maybe some way down the line). Were there traits in your husband that you didn’t like, what would be traits you would like in the future with a potential future partner? Are there areas in your current life that are missing, hobbies, interests? I’m aware spare time can be a problem here.
I realise at the moment things feel terrible and the future may seem bleak. There is no escaping that initial feeling which I believe is temporary and will get easier. In the meantime you can use your spare time to think and reflect. I was probably where you are this time last year in terms of feeling almost manic about my marriage collapsing. I’m still not there, but things have become easier and you realise life is long, you have the time now to think where would you like it to go and what could be better / different in the future.
Hope this helps. If you fancy a chat any time just shout.
Adam x4 August 2018 at 2:02 pm #14155
I found myself in a similar situation to you. My then husband and I had been married for a long time and I had only recently given birth to the youngest of our two daughters, when I was told the relationship was at an end for him.
It was a devastating blow. I literally felt that I had been run over by a juggernaut. You are probably in shock. Your world probably feels upside down and you can’t make sense of it.
It is very hard to be in this situation whilst still having to be responsible for the day to day care of your children. But please do not despair, many of us have this experience. Your daughters need you, you are very important to them.
Have you got someone close you can talk to? I didn’t have anyone initially, but I did have a sympathetic GP, and a good counsellor. And of course this site is good for advice and some personal contact.
You say that you get very irritable at times, and that sounds like you may feel overwhelmed. It’s an individual thing but my GP prescribed me a very low dose of anti-depressant (which I was loath to take) that did take the edge off the anxiety.
If sleep has gone haywire try and sort this out. I didn’t sleep much at the time as had a baby waking every two hours, and that definitely made things worse.
Try and map out a very simple routine for the day ahead. Be kind to yoursel. Nice food, sleep when you can, some fun with your girls. One day at a time. You will be surprised at what you are capable of. It isn’t easy and it’s normal to feel low. Just know that you are not alone. There will be many mothers who have felt exactly as you do, and we probably just plod our way forward little by little.
Another pair of hands can also help. Do you have family or friends who could help you with the day to day stuff? Are their any local activities/groups/events that you could take your children to?
Wishing you all the best, here to chat if you need an ear 🙂4 August 2018 at 4:05 pm #14160
So sorry to hear you are going through this. It can be an incredibly difficult time. I can tell you that you will get there, and you will likely find strength you didn’t know you had. It is amazing how our little ones can be such a positive driving force. Take time for yourself whenever you can and as hard as it may be, accept any offers of help you get from family or friends. Don’t be too hard on yourself or compare to others, you’ll find a way to cope that will work for you and your children. Keep communication open and as civilised as possible (lord knows how difficult this can be at times).
I know it probably all sounds like a lot of cliches at the moment but speaking 8 years down the line they were certainly true for me. Keep in touch with friends and maybe make new ones with some of the activities that Gingerbread may run in your area.
Em x4 August 2018 at 6:19 pm #14161
Hello, I am in a similar situation as my partner of 19 years told me 2 days ago he is leaving. This was totally out of the blue for me. I feel devastated, lost, numb, totally in pieces and at times utterly furious. I have no idea how to cope with this. I would never have considered ending our relationship and was totally committed. I am so scared of being a single parent, spending all my weekends and evenings on my own, when we would have been together, never having anyone to share the family holidays, birthdays, christmas, difficult times, mundane times… I feel he has taken my whole life away.
I am desperate to get past this terrible time and cant see how I can. Its so difficult. He is still living here as he is looking to buy a house (which could take a long time I guess). I wish someone could wave a magic wand or shake me awake from this horrible nightmare.
I feel so lonely It somehow helps to know I am not alone in this. Sending you hugs and needing some back. x Ali x4 August 2018 at 9:10 pm #14167
Sounds tough. We are all here for a chat and support. I am a single parent and recently moved out of my mum’s into a flat for me and my son, finding it hard to settle don’t like it so lonely and would be nice to have someone but I get out to see family a lot it helps me and is nice to be around people5 August 2018 at 8:27 pm #14195
Just joined today and was told 1st Aug 18yr relationship is over!..I have an Autistic son 17yrs old(he doesnt know yet bless him…and not looking forward to the outfall) daughter 15yrs old(she knows…but she’s actually opening up ever so slowly- typical teenager that hadnt spoken to me for the last 5 months+ for genuinely no reason…but now its a case of (you dont know what youve got till its gone i feel)
So i too am and have gone through such mental and emotional torture,and right now…im not sure i’ll even be able to make it…but im doing everything i possibly can…and coming on here..not with the intentions of leaning on anyone and adding to their burdens but to help and listen and take advice also..
I cant believe what a difference this site is already doing for me…its given me “hope”
Feel free to contact for any type of support or advice..or just an ear to listen…..9 August 2018 at 9:46 pm #14368
I know it seems horrific right now. I completely get how you feel your life has been stolen from you. It’s utterly devastating and completely bewildering. It does get easier though and you will have times of feeling utterly destroyed and other moments of feeling rage and strength. Don’t be hard on yourself and just let it out. It sucks theres no getting away from it. You have a right to be angry, sad and anything else you feel at any given moment.
I just separated after 16 years last week. Whilst it was ultimately my choice it was his actions that meant there was no turning back. I waver from feeling utterly beaten about the future to knowing I can do this and feeling better for doing it on my own. Just depends which minute of the day you catch me!
Hang in there. The only way is up right!