Hi there. You are not alone. It’s entirely normal to feel like you do. Sometimes trying to make sense of something that makes no sense is just impossible. Even 12 months or 2 years down the line people ask themselves these questions again. My advice would be to think more about what you want your future to look like and less about what is in the past. People change, it’s hard to accept I know, but my mental health improved once I did. Also, don’t rush yourself, be kind to yourself.