18 September 2019 at 6:46 pm #30473
I’m new on here. I ended my marriage 2 years ago after 20 years together. We have a 7 year old son. We had a great marriage until our son was born and everything changed. My husband regretted having our son and would tell me regularly how we would have been much happier without him. He told me he’d kill himself if I fell pregnant again. I worked full time as a Social Worker and would dread the weekend as our son was always up early and it’d be a struggle to get through the day. I thought as he became older my husband would change his mind but he didn’t. My husband left and moved back with his mum. His mum hasn’t spoken to me since which hurts. His sister even said she would have told me to leave him years ago if I hadn’t been married to her brother but she won’t talk to me either. I gave up my job as I was evicted from my house. I have no family as we moved here for my job. My ex sees our son for 7 hours a week and he’s just agreed to have him overnight once a month after 2 years. My life was perfect now it’s an effort to get through the day.18 September 2019 at 11:39 pm #30484
Hi. I’m sorry you’re feeling like this. I think having children does change things and you think everything will be perfect but a child adds a whole lot of stress, worry and problems ( as well as all of the good stuff too!) It sounds like maybe your ex just didn’t want the responsibility. It’s so difficult because not only are you dealing with a break up but becoming a single parent too. I separated from my ex 18 months ago and I’m still finding it hard. I do think that all of this makes you into a stronger person and there will be a better future ahead for you, the way you’re feeling now is temporary. Try and do something positive for yourself x19 September 2019 at 3:22 am #30486
Ratty, it must be very hard not to be hurt by the reaction of the family. Your ex didn’t enjoy being a father – I guess that happens – but to talk of killing himself is just emotional blackmail and nasty.He sounds very immature.
His family’s behaviour is selfish and weird too. You were married, you have a child, the marriage failed. How does the nastiness benefit anyone?
Now you need to put yourself and your son first. Your ex doesn’t deserve your concern, you aren’t responsible for his life.
If you were a social worker, you definitely have the ability to build a good life for you and your son. Things will get better. 💐19 September 2019 at 9:43 pm #30524
I’m new on here to and my husband left me and my 3 kids for his work mate and got her pregnant and now lives with her and her 2 kids and the one he has with her… I know it’s hard Ratty but you will get through this.. I’m a mental health Nurse and it’s been and still is a journey but you can do it!! For you and your boy. Put your energy into yourself and him x20 September 2019 at 1:50 pm #30540
21 September 2019 at 8:33 pm #30562
- Hi I have just joined. I have 4 children (two bad relationships with useless dads), I work and I have my own house. You need to focus on you and your son. What will make it better? Could you move closer to your family? Get your support system in place. Can your son attend after school club? Get back to having a career. Build a better life for you and your son. I work 4 days a week, term time, and I have me to rely on, and friends if I ask. I cope by going to sleep early, having routine, and structure, and just getting on with it. You can do it!
I totally understand how you feel. I became a single parent two years ago when my ex husband decided he’d found a better option. Our child is the same age as yours. When he first left he was talking of going travelling round the world with his new girlfriend and spent several weeks at a time out of the country with her. When he left he left with a real ‘bang’ in many ways. My life changed from financially secure, living in a nice house with my child having a lovely short walk to a beautiful school in an area we loved to me being assaulted in my home, my bank accounts being emptied, me sleeping with the keys in the locks and us eventually losing our home. Despite the fact he left me, his family set about trying to destroy my character. They spun things I’d said, even going so far as to say they wanted to contact me to see their grandchild but that I’d prevented them. I guess this was all a way of disguising what their son had done. It did hurt. It was like overnight the lot of them had decided to discard me all at once. I too was miles from my family. In the end I moved to escape it all. He still sees our child, but it’s intermittent and always to suit his demands where basically he’ll suddenly supply a list of dates and if any aren’t suitable, I’m told I’m difficult and he’ll take me to court.
Whilst life is much better for us now, I still struggle in many ways and have huge anxiety issues. I don’t think I can offer you much help. I too feel lost, lonely, isolated and like it’s all a struggle. Just know you aren’t alone x21 September 2019 at 10:33 pm #30563
The literal heartache that comes from feeling abandoned can make us physically and mentally unwell especially when faced with a new reality non off us would ever have chosen.
The loss off confidence and self esteem/ self worth can have us in a pit if we don’t seek help if needed ..ie gp which can refer you for counselling if needed and sign post you for extra support.. my struggle is comparing myself to the lady my husband left me for believing that I am less than good enough. However I know this is not true but the emotion would have me believe other wise… this is just a chapter for us all have hope.22 September 2019 at 7:09 am #30565
Thank you all for your kind words, it’s comforting to know that I’m not alone. One minute you have it all, the next you’re struggling to get out of bed. I’m going to concentrate on myself and my son. Unfortunately there are no Gingerbread groups on my area (Gillingham, Kent) so I’m becoming a volunteer to open one up myself. It’ll give me something to focus on while meeting new friends too.22 September 2019 at 7:57 am #30567
I just don’t understand some of these dad’s that do these things…just selfish I guess and cowards. It sounds like you are having a tough time of it…sorry to hear that. If he can just leave you and the kid like that then you are better off without him. Good for you starting a group up…I will help you and others. And yes try to concentrate on you both now. Good luck and hope it all gets better for you and your boy soon.22 September 2019 at 9:02 am #30570
Wow starting a group off your own sounds so good.. you’re going to motivate others and help them.. that’s how your healing from this experience will come.. well done in advance x