Feeling lost

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  • #14804 Report

    Pixie
    Participant

    Hi

    I have recently joined this after splitting splitting with my husband to whom I have been married for 14 years. About 2 months ago he decided that he doesn’t love me anymore and that he had tried for 2 years to make it work and he couldn’t therefore we were finished. He doesn’t want to have any relationship counselling or any form of reconciliation.

    We have two daughters together, a 9 year old and an 8 months old.

    I have no family near and get rather upset even thinking about who could possibly be my next of keen. He was my husband but also my best friend and I feel that I have lost a big part of me.

    His family were supportive to start with but when i struggled to cope with the break up they called me irresponsible and started by judging me on how I should parent my children and what I should or should not discuss with a 9 year old.  They also only want to spend time with my eldest daughter and not my baby and keep inviting my eldest for trips or tea. I can count probably on one hand the times they have had my youngest on her own to spend some time with her. I have tried to tell them and him about all this but now I am getting the silent treatment and have all decided to ignore me.

    I feel really hurt and upset but I cannot alLow this to carry on much longer as my 9 year old has noticed how they do not spend time with her little sister and has started to comment about it which I am getting the blame for as they think I have discussed this with her. A few days ago when things went bad again, I ended up having to explain to her in the nicest possible way what has happened as I could not take it anymore her being told all sorts about me when she visited them.

    So he moved out, he moved his pay to another bank account and left me to pay all the bills and the mortgage which are in joint names. We also took a loan a couple of years ago in my name for some home improvements and paying some debt and left me with that too. He gives me a little bit of money each month but part of that is to cover a life insurance for the mortgage which is in joint names and some money towards the girls savings, swimming and school dinners. The rest he says that he buys childcare vouchers for our youngest, but I also buy those through my work. Should they count as child maintenance?

    Does anyone knows if I have any rights in terms of paying the mortgage all my myself now? Is he entitled still to 1/2 of the equity? Must mention here that I work full time and do not qualify for my benefits.

    Sorry for the lengthy post and thank you for taking the time to read this. I have never done something like this before.

    Thank you

    #14813 Report

    sasha_dru
    Participant

    Hi,

    Sounds like an horrible situation to be in. I’m no expert on all of the challenges that you are having, just another single parent going through a crisis point. I  thought there would be more people responding to these threads? I just joined up today and the amount of unanswered posts really doesn’t help dilute some of my feelings of loneliness.

    When my daughter was young it was way harder to get anyone to take her, but that seemed to get easier as time went on. I don’t know why people are less generous with their time when it comes to babies. They should be more empathetic. If they are trying to help you out then the helpful thing would be too take two children and not just one. If the house is in both your names then surely their is an obligation for him to pay toward that? And even if the loan is in your name solely if it went to court I think you could show that the debt was shared. HOWEVER, I think the best thing to do is to get in touch with the experts who can give you some guidance on all this. Ring up Gingerbread and see what you can find out. They  might signpost you to other organisations who can help. You arn’t the first or the last to be through this, and your not alone, even though it probably feels like a pretty lonely time. I really hope things are looking less bleak today.

    #14831 Report

    Pixie
    Participant

    Thank you Sarah_Lou for your reply. I think I definitely need some help with all this. I feel overwhelmed by the whole situation. I think I will ring Gingerbread and ask for some advice.

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