Feeling Lonely

[Topcat]

my relationship of 13yrs (married for 6)ended at the beginning of the year, and I did not see this coming.  This has left me as the main caretaker of our 2 sons 2 and 4 years old.

I I’m finding it so lonely not only have I lost my main companion for the last 13 years, but I also loose my sons every other weekend.  I try to keep busy but understandably my friends and family also so have lives and can’t always be available to spend time with.

How have others found ways of combating this?

[User2020]

I totally understand and am going through the same phase. I am a female with a 7 year old. Where are you based? We could meet up and have some fun all by ourselves. I am trying to be positive at the moment thinking there is light after the darkness.

[Topcat]

Hi I live in Somerset, it is horrible sometimes I feel positive but then hit these lows.  Where do you live?

[Westernchampion]

Hi Topcat.  I’m in Somerset too.  A new group was set up last year. You should be able to search for it and contact the coordinator if that’s something your interested in.

[Topcat]

Hi yes that would be great, thank you.  I did contact the wincanton one but haven’t heard anything as yet.  Is that the same group or a different one?

[Westernchampion]

This is a different group, called Somerset group.  If you search”find your local group” at the top of the page it comes up. Then you should be able to contact the cooridinator Mark.

[Topcat]

Great thank you

[Ramblinjon]

Hi Topcat,

I’m the coordinator for the Somerset group, when you contact a group the coordinator doesn’t see your forum username so apologies if your already in contact. If not then find us through this link:

https://www.gingerbread.org.uk/community/single-parent-groups/groups/

Hope to hear from you soon

Mark

[Topcat]

Hi thanks Mark, you set me up today many thanks Tracy

[Kathymumofone]

Hi Tracy, when my ds was away for the weekend, I struggled at first but then started planning carefully, to do the things that are hard to do when he is around. So getting my haircut, moting the car, redecorating his bedroom or shopping for clothes. I see childless friends or go to the V&A

Weekends with ds are dedicated to shared fun. 😊

[Beckyjo]

Gosh this takes me back. You are doing an amazing job but it can feel so lonely and just sheer terrifying at times. I also recall that most of my friends were not single parents and so often seemed just too busy with their own family lives.

So I would suggest keeping going with your pals. they will want to get out whenever they are free (who doesn’t?) but I’d also recommend hobbies. I read, run and ‘write’ (a very self indulgent blog/family diary) because I love them all and they are free and flexible. But my real lifeline has always been music and playing in a band because it gets me OUT OF THE HOUSE. I think it is essential that you escape your 4 walls for a few hours of ‘not being a mum’ at least once per fortnight. So find money for a babysitter and look for a group that works for you.

And, when you are ready (which was nearly 2 years later for me) there’s dating! Now that will be an adventure. I could make you fall off your chair with laughter as some of my escapades. But there are lots of lovely people out there too of course, and it usually does put a spring back in your step.

So keep going, you are a supermum!

[Topcat]

Thank you Kathymumofone I will try and organise that kind of thing.  I guess it’s motivating yourself in the beginning.

[Topcat]

Thank you Beckyjo, that is a lot of good advise.  I really want to start Zumba again so must try and organise a way to enable me to do that.  I used to play in a band when I was young.  Thank you for your supportive words it is hard being upbeat mum sometimes 🙈

[Beckyjo]

You are doing really really well. I clearly remember feeling utterly  terrified and lost. But with every positive step you take, I think you start to take control again and reprogram your mind into a more positive place.

But it’s a really big life experience, so expect to feel low at times and give yourself time and space for that too . It’s completely normal at the moment and shows that you care and have a heart.

Go day by day. Hey you’ve been so proactive you’ve already found a local group. You will make a great life for yourself and the boys xx

[Topcat]

Thank you, you have all been so kind.  I’m looking forward to meeting hopefully that will be something regular for them and me.  They have already given me a lift xx

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