Feeling like not good enough

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  • #42944 Report

    Marlicat
    Participant

    I split from my ex 2 years ago and we are now divorced. He was emotionally abusive and I hate the fact that 2 years on my self esteem is still so low. He got our house and all the contents and I had to start again from scratch. He earns so much more money than me and through lockdown he has bought a new hot tub, put a heated pool in the garden, a new pool table, etc and I just can’t afford any of that. I am not a materialistic person but when you see your children getting so excited about all these things, it’s so hard to not feel good enough. My boys are almost 13 and 16 and I just worry that they won’t want to be here anymore because their dad’s is a much more exciting place to be. Also, I used to do everything on my own with the boys as he would never come anywhere with us but now he has a new girlfriend, suddenly he is taking the boys out for days and doing things he would never do. I wish I knew why I felt so insecure and why it’s hard to not to let it bother me.
    Has anyone else Been through this and got any advice?

    #42953 Report

    You’ve got to take the reins back now they’ve done enough damage enough is enough, when hes got the boys, don’t even think of where there going etc.. Its good they are having a good time, as you would want them to I,’m sure.

    But then when they are, that is when you need too! Make plans so you know exactly what your doing when the boys are there, get your glad rags on or do something adventures, have something to tell the boys too when they get back.

    Think of the places you will take the boys and what you will do together, do the best in making the boys good citizens, polite, happy and seeing life for what it really is, we can only do our best and knowing that, we’ve done our duty to them as they lead there own path in life, hopefully they will understand if not now in time, who has always had there back and who is just on show.

    We have to make this situation, make us even stronger than before full stop as when the chips are down and all the hot tub, pool table etc.. And strip of all the armour away, they aren’t these people they make out to be at all and its very sad in fact.

    At least we know the truth and are true to ourselves.

    Start being kind to yourself and get yourself a plan for next time they are out and you will soon feel good enough again.

    PM – anytime.

    Best wishes x

     

    #42988 Report

    BluebirdSue
    Participant

    I had bad self esteem issues when I broke up with my ex. It was hard giving my baby boy to his dad and his new partner at weekends. I used the time to spend with friends and date on occasion.

    It’s easier said that done but stop comparing yourself to this other lady. When you do, you only pick up perceived flaws and that in itself is the root of low self esteem.

    Men are strange and I know from experience they all say and do different things. My ex liked to control every aspect of my life and yet he ended up with someone who calls all the shots. I laugh about it now 😁

    He sounds like a nice dad and the boys do enjoy his company which is great some kids don’t have that. They still need their mum. They will also love to hear the nice things Mum also does when they are away. Even if they are too distracted with a screen tell them anyway 😀

    As for all the cool stuff they have I have one word – FREEBIE!

    You wont be able to get a hot tub cheap but I managed to get a pool table for free. Get researching on social media (Facebook have a free giveaways page)

    Start working on that self esteem and pick at least 5 things you like about yourself and/or your appearance and tell yourself nice things. You dont need a guy to make you feel good. Most of them are blind and silly anyway 😂

     

     

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