Feeling leaft out of own life

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  • #34314 Report

    amylou83
    Participant

    Hi everyone just wanted to vent more than anything and maybe see if anyone else has gone through this and come out the other side.  Was with my husband 17 years married for just under 3 he leaft saying he wasn’t in love with me anymore and when he leaft he felt a huge weight been lifted off his shoulder.  We have 3 young kids so I’ve been finding it hard but I’m always feeling so leaft out.  I don’t get invited to family things anymore which I understand  but we also started a group holiday after the wedding and have done one every year with his sister and her friend.  His best friend and his wife and my best friend (who has a child with my husbands best friend they used to be together but split years ago but we don’t see him) thing is they all still go out with the kids together when he has them including my best friend the kids are all friends.  They went away to a caravan for the weekend and didn’t tell me he didn’t tell me he was taking the kids and my best friend didn’t tell me she was going.  I got annoyed with her and Ive hardly spoke to her since. Feel so leaft out I know I still have the kids but feel like I’ve lost my husband and my life.

    #34317 Report

    mstime
    Participant

    Hi

    Vent the anger away. Its fine. Maybe you need to find time for you (and your children). Dont engage with them unless you absolutely need to. But hey thats just me talking,only you will know whats best for you guys. Dont feel left out. You own yourself, you own your children, you own your life. They dont. Maybe im just speaking from my own personal experience . Take it easy and feel free to message x

    #34318 Report

    amylou83
    Participant

    Thank you mstime 😊

    #34376 Report

    DB
    Participant

    Hi amylou83

    It feels like a horrible betrayal when friends and family seem to carry on as normal with your ex to your exclusion doesn’t it! I am going through similar, and I have to say I think I’ve been guilty of doing it to friends before i was in my own situation!

    i just don’t think people who haven’t been through family splits really understand how it feels (I didn’t!)

    but equally it’s not their problem…so whilst betrayal is how it feels, it’s also a heightened emotional response during a difficult period that (I think) will pass in time.

    however a BEST friend should understand better than most, so that does sound particularly difficult. Have you explained how you feel to her? Not asking her to choose, but just telling her how difficult it is for you right now, like in your post, and what YOU need?

    I’m not quite there yet myself – still seeing what side friends are going to settle on – but am anticipating I’ll naturally ‘lose’ some to him, or just to the change in my circumstances – some couples tend to prefer mixing with other couples so both have someone to talk to / or whatever their reasons! I’ve accepted that as i embark on this new chapter some people will drift out of my life – but others will drift in.

    I wish you every success in rebuilding YOUR life – surrounded by people who care for and enrich you.

    xxx

     

     

    #34379 Report

    Victoria
    Participant

    Sorry you are going through this and yes it happened to me too, the worst is when friends that tell you of their heartbreaks for years and that you supported suddenly pull the “Well I don’t want to get in the middle / breach his confidence” crap and totally take sides. I take the view that you are well rid of such people and at least it saves you from wasting anymore of your time and effort on them, but sadly making new friends when you are a lone parent is not always the easiest, unless you have family or other support. Make sure you see the people that are there for you. xx

    #34620 Report

    amylou83
    Participant

    Thanks everyone.  I have spoke to her about it a bit back but she is one of this friends that dips in and out anyway.  Like over Christmas she knows it’s my first in my own his we seperated and I’ve not heard anything.  She msg Christmas Day the usual, I invited her and her son around one day but she was too ill (hungover) and I’ve not heard anything since.  And I don’t want to txt her cause I don’t see why I should be the one to contact her all the time.  Just thought she would be there more for me seems I’ve lost my husband and now the person I thought was my best friend.  Sorry if I’m being dramatic just feel so pushed out at the minute.

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