Feeling guilty for shouting at my kids.
6 January 2019 at 10:22 pm #19350
I am a single mum of 5yr old boy and 8yr old girl. Have been seperated from my ex for 2 years. I am by nature patient, caring and happy but lately I am finding that I have a very short fuse with my daughter especially. She is going through a challenging phase of back chatting, being sarcastic, and having quite explosive shouty tantrums. I feel at the end of my tether and often we end up shouting at each other until we are both red in the face and both so mad and then when we’ve both calmed down we hug and cry and both say sorry and vow not do it again……..until the next time!! I’m glad that we can hug it out but we can’t seem to stop it happening in the first place. It happens about 2 or 3 times a day and I feel like I’m letting my kids down by not being in control of my emotions. The kids go to their dads every other weekend and I feel like when I have them I’m exhausted from having to do everything on my own and then when they are gone I miss them and I’m depressed. I went to the doctor about feeling down and have been taking antidepressants which seem to help a little but I can’t seem to get out of this shouty, emotional behaviour with my daughter. I feel like I am responsable for my kids having happy memories of their childhood and I feel like we are all miserable at the moment. Any thoughts or advice gratefully recieved x7 January 2019 at 12:55 am #19354
Sounds tough. The only advise I can offer is not to engage with her when she chats back or shows attitude. Easier said than done I know! Bedtimes also a good time to chat I find.7 January 2019 at 8:32 am #19361
I used to do that- and still do sometimes – with my son but I use tickling him now. Every time he plays up now, I try to turn it into a tickling contest.
Me: (putting clothes out) please get dressed.
Me: people who aren’t dressed in 20 seconds get tickled. One, two, three ….
Then lots of shrieking, chasing, laughing but at least no angry shouting, and eventually he gets dressed. Or if I’m really not in the mood and he’s been a complete pain. I turn off the tv, and take the remote control and his Nintendo and walk out of the room. He doesn’t get them back until he’s dressed.
As for feeling lonely every other weekend, I set myself a task that it’s hard to do with children around. This weekend was buying jeans and a pair of shoes. Over Xmas it was redecorating his room. Something that gives some satisfaction. I hope you feel better soon.7 January 2019 at 1:53 pm #19398
Thanks so much for all your replies. I am in Somerset. Lots of good suggestions. I like the idea of diffusing the situation with humour. I have tried that before and it worked with my son but I had forgotten about it. One to revisit I think. I’m really wondering about talking to my kids about depression and mental health in a child friendly maybe non personal way. Don’t want to be too heavy with them but it affects us all. I feel I’m winning with the depression situation in general but there are times when I’m down and i just don’t want the kids to get used to it or in any way feel responsible. I try to be aware of how I am and see how it affects them and put on some music or get out the house. It’s just so hard when you are on your own and there is no-one to help when you are feeling the pressure. I don’t want to feel sorry for myself as I am happier now than when I was with my ex. It’s just tough at times. X8 January 2019 at 10:43 am #19451
i have a 5 year old and 9 month old and have those feelings of guilt too when i shout. it gets so hard sometimes when you are doing everything on your own and they are playing up, i love the tickling idea and will be trying that one!8 January 2019 at 11:10 am #19453
It helps to know I’m not alone with these feelings. I wish you well Misha xx