Feeling guilty about not taking an ex back

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  • #18136 Report

    BexW
    Participant

    My husband started having an affair while I was pregnant with our first child, who is now 7months old. We continued to live together until our son was 2 months old, at which point he moved out and in with the other woman.

    Initially I was desperate for him to come back, I was very low and vulnerable having just had our first child, and I was terrified of doing it alone. However, as time passed I realised that I’d never be able to forgive what he did and I decided to start looking into getting a divorce.

    My ex is now saying that he wants to get back together. He’s still in a relationship with the woman he left me for, but has basically said he’ll leave her if I agree to let him come back. This in itself shows that he isn’t serious and he clearly doesn’t really love me. I’m no longer in love with him, I’ve realised that our relationship wasn’t what I thought it was, and I firmly believe that I’ll be happier on my own than back with him.

    However, I feel guilty that I’ve made a decision which means that my son doesn’t get to grow up in  a ‘conventional family’. This is being made worse by his family putting pressure on me to take him back, because in their opinion it’s what’s best for my son.

    I have no intention of taking my ex back, he betrayed my trust when I was at my most vulnerable. But I am struggling with feeling of guilt and worry that my son will find the situation difficult as he’s growing up.

    I guess I just wanted to see if anyone else has been in a similar situation, and how others have dealt with the guilt that inevitably comes along with being a single parent.

    #18144 Report

    Kathymumofone
    Participant

    Don’t feel guilty, the only person at fault here is your ex.

    also it is far better for your child, to make a clean break now, rather than stagger on for a few years, let your child get used to having daddy around and then he leaves again, which could do serious harm to your child’s happiness and confidence.

    my son can’t remember living with his dad. He sees his dad every Sunday, regards this as completely normal and is a happy confident child.

    as Anonymous says, aim for an amicable arrangement where your ex sees his child regularly and builds a good relationship.

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