feeling a tad lost. Berkshire mum

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  • #56519 Report

    Steph0232
    Participant

    Hi,

    I’m new here, I am 28 and I have a 9 year old daughter and a 7 year old boy that has ADHD. I live near Newbury, Berkshire. I’m looking at other peoples messages and seeing that a lot of people feel the same way I do so it really is a comforting feeling that were all in the same boat. I will try not to make this an essay!

    so I separated from my husband that I was with for 10 years. Was very messy and to cut a long story short dad was not aloud to see the children for safeguarding reasons so other then my family which is very small I didn’t have a lot of people to talk to. I had people at work but they were all 18/19 years old and just didn’t understand the situation of me not being able to join them on nights out etc as my mum had the children so I could work. So I have been happy in my little bubble and being all independent with just the kids. Fast forward to 4 years down the line and I have never felt so lonely in my life! Its like I have done a 360 from wanting to be on my own with no friends to having a cold bucket of water chucked all over my face and now I can see everyone going out and having people to talk to and I just feel like I have missed the train. I love my children but when they go to bed I’m in my house on my own and I stare at my phone with no one to talk to. As I said I have my Mum and Sister but it gets to a point where I think I’m bothering them as they have their own lives.

    The past year with lockdown everyone was doing the same, staying in so I think that blind sighted me from it as it was the norm. I haven’t been happy with the way things were so someone said about this sight and here I am…sorry for chewing your ear of if your reading this! Just hoping to make some new friend’s and hopefully support each other!

    Steph 🙂

    #56522 Report

    Cariad63
    Participant

    Hi Steph,

    You have certainly not missed the train, you are only 28! When a relationship ends there is a period of pain for most people regardless of who ended it – it is normal. You may have woken up one day and decided that you are lonely and no longer want to hide away again all very normal. Small steps, while getting back out there is not easy it can be done. I don’t know many people where I live so I took up a hobby, Ceroc (dancing lessons basically), this was pre Covid so of course that all stopped, hopefully it’ll start up again soon. I chose it because it is on for a couple of hours in the evening mid week so not to expensive to arrange some child care (I don’t have any support network) and cheap enough to attend. I am not trying to sell Ceroc to you, just giving you an example of what worked for me to get out and about.

    I also have a married mate that I go out for a drink with occasionally, when we do his wife looks after my kids with hers while we are out etc, clearly he is not on the pull, we just go out and have a laugh. In the past I have child minded friends children and they in turn have minded mine so I can have a night off as do they. Now my children are older and are mature for their age I sometimes go to the local Pub on my own for a couple of hours but I never really enjoy it, so I suppose I need to find more partners in crime!

    Dating websites of course are there, many have some form of free access but try to draw you in and get you to pay. You can use them to find the “one” but you can also use them to have a pleasant online chat, coffee or meal with someone new that you might have something in common with, although of course be safe and tread carefully as there are a lot of players and liars on them but not all are bad!

    Also remind yourself that people paint a very perfect life for themselves on social media, try not to let that bring you down as I guarantee you most people do not have a perfect life!  Your 28 whatever floats your boat go and have some fun YOLO!

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