Feeling a little lost
5 July 2021 at 1:20 pm #56154
Hi, so here goes.
I was a married man who has 2 children with my ex-wife, we decided to separate with the view to divorce after 2 years.
After a lot of soul searching I met and fell in love with a gay man who had shared similar experiences with his previous partner. He has always wanted children of his own and him and his started the adoption route, however as things didn’t work out this was abruptly brought to an end due to their relationship ending
Shortly into our relationship my new partner had said that he always wanted children and as time was ticking for him he wanted to have a child with his female friend, something they had talked about for a while. My partners ex was dead against the idea and therefore this was something that was not taken any further.
After a short discussion with my partner I agreed that I would do anything to make him happy, and so agreed. I only found out a couple of weeks later that the following night my partner and his friend were going to do the self-insemination to try and conceive. This almost destroyed me as I didn’t realise how little it would impact my emotions and had not had time to fully understand the situation in its entirety.
After a further discussion, I agreed and after another attempt at artificial insemination was successful. The result was non-identicle twins.
I worship the ground my partner walks on (I have visions of us growing old together) and would do absolutely anything for him, we often say we’re from the same pod. I can’t help but feel a little left out in the cold. He constantly reassures me that it’s me and him and that it it just an arrangement that he has in place with his friend. We have arranged it so that we have my children and his on the same weekends so they can all grow up together and bond.
I often think that she wants it to be very much a family environment (my partner, her and their children) by doing things together like a traditional family should. I feel like I’m the one that is putting a dampener on things and he often tells me that he can’t enjoy the latter stages of the pregnancy because he thinks that I am constantly insecure that he and the mum will form a family unit.
I fell left out at times by not being in the group chat, and when his friend met his parents she said “we’re all family now”. The last thing I want to do is cause any friction, and i would always want him to put his children first, but I don’t know how to react and feel in this situation. When the new arrivals come, I will treat them as my own, but don’t know how to react as I was always under the impression it would be an arrangement and that they would be two separate units, something that I still believe.
Any advice or similar experiences would be great as I’ve tried searching for similar experiences on the web