Feel such a failure

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  • #53916 Report

    Gingey28
    Participant

    Sitting here in floods of tears. I’m failing as a Mum and as a person. Everything is too much for me and I’m drained and cry everyday. My little boys needs me and I’m no use to him at all. Don’t know what to do and how to cope.

    Going to hide for the weekend and possibly shut off from the world as I’m sick of this feeling. Gotta be better than this way to feel

    #53925 Report

    Ama79
    Participant

    Hi , I just read your post and I wanted to say that your little boy will love you regardless ,  you probably feel useless , you are the one who holds him, feeds him and loves him and at times that’s all he needs.
    I understand how you feel as I get days like it , where I feel I don’t  do enough or I shout too much , but you can’t punish your self  we are only human , maybe take some time when he’s asleep have a bath , try to sleep and remember thing can only get better x

    #53926 Report

    Kaze
    Participant

    Hi, the fact that you are crying and worried about doing your best shows that your a good mam. Never give up because you are the strength of those little ones.

    Stop putting pressure on yourself and get the love from your kids and share their joy of the little things. Having a hug, sharing a story. So what of the ironings not done or the pots aren’t washed. They will still be there when you’re feeling stronger .

    #53929 Report

    Gingey28
    Participant

    Hi Ama79

    Thank you for your reply. I know he loves me he is 3 and half but all I do is shout he likes likes get his own way and cries when i say no as probs all do but it drains me and sets me off. I’m losing hours in work my health is rubbish, relationship is not working so everything is like impacting

    Hope you are OK and having a nice Saturday

    Kate thank you for your reply

    I am worried as I don’t want to upset him or just be known as the person who tells him off and reacts so stressful to anything. I really hate myself for the way I am and so short and just feel awful

    I cancelled doing anything today as I wanted to just be with him and have a calm day we watched a dvd today and he fell asleep. I have done all housework and soon tea then more relaxing

    Hope you are well and enjoying your day

    #53930 Report

    Gingey28
    Participant

    Kaze sorry autocorrect

    #53938 Report

    Jaekae
    Participant

    Hi Gingey – fellow Ginge here!

    sounds like you were a complete hero today. You made a decision that was best for the pair of you, you got stuff done, you spent time with your kid, and you have rules and boundaries that you stick to even though it hurts to do so at times.
    sounds to me like you’re a fantastic parent and doing a wonderful job.

    As for beating yourself up, we all do it because we want the best for our kids- another sign you’re a good parent.

    hope you have more chill out time.😊

     

    #53952 Report

    Gingey28
    Participant

    Hi Jaekae

    Thank you for your reply. I’m just very down about a lot of things been happening over last couple years. The stress I’ve been under is immense and that isn’t just being a single parent. I’m always fighting to make sure we are ok as everyone here will know the same.

    He just knows how to push with me and its the same response I get from him and then I react very quick. I have limited calming solutions so I shout and I hate it don’t want the neighbours thinking wow she is horrible.

    He still isn’t asleep now getting me down

    #53953 Report

    Gingey28
    Participant

    Hope you are ok and had a good day

    #53968 Report

    Gummibear123
    Participant

    Hi Gingey28

    Hope you got thru the past 24 hours ok😉

    I live in an old house and recently the plasters really starting to go.I reckon it’s all the shouting I do.My neighbours’ told me recently she’s moving as well.I know she looked at a house down the road so I immediately thought it’s bc of the noise I make.Now I’ve thought it over I’ve decided tough if it is.A lot of us single parents do more than our best, but life throws at us far more than is human for us to handle.We have to learn to just pick our battles! We are not failures Ever.We are survivors.I have been alone for many years and have not managed or achieved so many things on my lists but don’t you dare call me a failure.As long as we get up each day prepared to fight again,we have won.And yes,sorry if anyone doesn’t like the word but sometimes we are even fighting ourselves,having to do the jobs we hate.Which makes us even more heroic! So Gingey28😉 if you made it to the end of this you’ve already proved your mettle,just one foot in front of the other….💝 as long as you do your best & hold your head up and ignore everyone else you’re doing gr8💪

    #53970 Report

    Gingey28
    Participant

    Hi Gummibear123

    Thank you for your reply. I got through it and we had a lovely day yesterday i left the phone and just enjoyed it.

    Yes sod it if its the noise you are right we are majorly put through the pressure stakes. I get things done just have real bad days as we all probably do. Work situation affecting me atm feel so undervalued as hours dropped and others get more so must be a personal thing so applying round atm. Got a hernia operation in a few weeks so that’s something on my mind too had this hernia over a year is a welcome date for the op

    Hope your having a good wknd went the beach for an hour this morning my son enjoyed it me too

    #53971 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    Hi, is the father able to spend time with the child? That way you can take a break.

    #53974 Report

    Gummibear123
    Participant

    Oh bother, Steve3334; the single mothers on here mostly do not have obliging exes who are seeking to actually help them with the kids or give them a break.If they did have,do you really think their relationships would have come to this?

    Or do on think the thought had not occurred to these (mostly) single mothers?

    In a way, each time you ask this question it reminds me there actually, perhaps, May be men like that around but realistically NO these people are either on their OWN completely or have more responsibility than they feel they can cope with.

    So that’s probably not a very useful question.

    Has anyone ever answered “ooh my ex! I never thought of asking him to take the kids for a bit.What a bright idea!” ? I think not.

    #53980 Report

    Nope2021
    Participant

    Hey, so I can relate to this. I have an almost 3 yo. He is driving me to the point of insanity at the moment. He’s still awake and getting out of bedding and yelling (right now – it’s 8:52pm). He’s been up since 6am. He hasn’t had a nap.

    I’ve been doing this solo since he was born, and I’ve just hit my limit recently. Every little thing he does winds me up and I find I have to go hide in my room just to calm down. He’s not a bad kid – it’s just all getting too much.

    I just won a court case against his bio dad so zero contact allowed (he was extremely abusive)… my family expected me to be super happy and relieved, but I’m angry and sad and feel overwhelmed … because now it really is all on me.

    People tell me I’m a good mum and that I need to go easy on myself and be kind to myself – and I get it. They kind of have to say that, right? But in this moment, in the past few weeks, it doesn’t help. I’m not sure what would help. But it’s very lonely feeling like you’re the only mum out there who loves her kid, but also can’t stand to be around them sometimes. Most mums seem to always love and adore their children … I’m just stuck in a cycle of him destroying stuff and not sleeping and eating everything and smearing banana / yoghurt/ strawberries etc on everything or drawing crayon all over the walls … the other day he literally dug dog poo off his wellies and shoved it in my face … I know it’s all normal toddler stuff. So why does it feel like I’m on the ninth circle of hell??

    Telling me it’s going to be ok isn’t what I need to hear. Telling me I’m doing great isn’t what I need to hear.

    So to the OP: I get it. Being a single parent can be really crap. No one tells you that you won’t enjoy being a parent every second of every day, or that you might not even like your own kid sometimes. So many taboos around being a parent – but there’s a reason they used to say it took a village to raise a child. Because we were never meant to do this alone. And some of us are literally well and truly alone. Day in. Day out. With a toddler.

    Rant over. Phew !

    #53983 Report

    Gingey28
    Participant

    Hi Steve3334

    My sons father denied he was his and wanted no involvement at all even if he was that was the response he gave when I told him. He lives local passes us all the time and had never been interested

    I get a few pound a week when he pays child maintenance but that always has to be enforced anyway

    Hope your well

    #53984 Report

    Gingey28
    Participant

    Hi Nope 2021

    That is exactly how I feel. Yes I get really wound up and same he isn’t really a terribly behaved child but it’s just very draining he cries and we have the biggest kick off when I say no and he is awake and had very specific ways and requirements at nighttime

    You have got it all spot on and that’s exactly right and how it feels

    Hope your OK and let’s see what this week brings

    A bit worries as I’ve lost hours in work I cry everyday about it lately

     

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 21 total)

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