Feel scared and alone

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  • #50427 Report

    Jess8080
    Participant

    I just recently found out I’m pregnant I’m really early on. My partner and I have been together for a year and a half but it’s been a rocky road. We were both been careful or so we thought so we’re surprised to learn I am pregnant. When my partner found out he freaked out and called me out for everything under the sun saying this was my fault and how could I of let this happen. He’s now saying he’ll support if he has to and that his parents are disappointed in me and believe I done this on purpose. He’s told me he’d prefer for me to abort and that he can’t be with me anymore as he would just feel trapped and never seen us as a long term relationship. I’ve never felt so hurt and let down in my life. I feel so confused and don’t know what to do. We are both in our mid 30s so we are not exactly too young and I have a 2 bedroom house that I own. Has anyone been through this? How did you cope?

    #50436 Report

    MissT
    Participant

    First of all congratulations. I was in a similar situation. I was on and off with my ex for 4 years. Accidentally conceived at 28 and he didn’t talk to me for about 6 months after I told him I was pregnant. I didn’t know weather today keep the baby for the first few weeks, I changed my mind everyday. It was emotionally one of the hardest things I have ever been through. Keeping the baby and being completely let down by the other parent. I struggle financially.
    But, You certainly don’t need the other parent to raise a happy child. I would ask yourself if you can or want to do it without him in the picture at all?! Financially too. Enough support from family and friends? If not, consider abortion. Both routes, will be extremely emotional. Your decision to make solely on your own. Do what is best for YOU!

    Good Luck

    #50474 Report

    Jess8080
    Participant

    Thank you for responding.

    He told me yesterday by text that we can try and see how we get on as a couple and that he’ll be at appointments and scans if he can. But he doesn’t feel the same about me anymore and that he thinks he’ll just be pushing on because it’s what is expected of him and he can’t see himself been happy.

    He said his parents are starting to come round and that they want to be involved but they both have my number and I’ve not heard a thing from them.

    He’s not once asked how I’m feeling in all this, before this he was always so supportive and caring so this has shown me a side I didn’t even know existed.

    The last few days I’ve been up and down if I should keep or not but my family are telling me I can do this and they will help. My mum has told me I can rent out my place and move in with her or even stay there for a couple of months until I settle and get used to parenthood.

     

    I always wanted to be a mum and couldn’t wait for that day but I didn’t want it now and certainly not like this.

    #50475 Report

    PrincessDaisy
    Participant

    Honey I feel your pain.

    Ps having a baby never comes at the “right time”. I was planning to get married and then bam I’m alone with an infant and my life changed. However, as I lay down with my baby next to me I’ve never loved anyone or anything more than this little life and I will protect him. In fairness, he sounds like an absolute loser but the baby is also part of you too. Neither of you need such a horrible influence, it sounds like a good time to start afresh. You are carrying your legacy, enjoy every moment!

    I wrote a book to get out my grievances πŸ˜‚ I feel like Taylor Swift!

    #50489 Report

    Jess8080
    Participant

    Thank you for comment.

    At the moment I’ve only told my immediate family and they are telling me that once I meet my baby nothing else in the world will matter.

    I just never thought I’d be pregnant and alone and even though I hadn’t planned on having children with this “man” I never imagined he’d be so cold and verbally vile after finding out I was.

    I suspected I was and told him a day before taking the test, he told me to try not to worry and we would deal with it together so the following day when I got my result I never thought he’d react so angry towards me.

    I’ve been swaying what to do but after the past 3 days I have decided I’m going to keep this little innocent and do everything I can for them!

    #50491 Report

    PrincessDaisy
    Participant

    It sucks, I’m not going to lie. The picture of the rock feeding his wife whilst she breastfed made me cry big fat ugly tears.

    They’re (your family) are right, everything will pale into insignificane. I’m a thrifty kind of person who throws nothing away and gets loads of things at charity shops. When I felt him move I started to spend like Paris Hilton on crack. Its the best most scariest thing you will ever do.

    My ex wanted me out at day two from the hospital. We left on week three, because I took the pram he came with his mum to take it back leaving me with nothing. He’s ten years older at 50 and I remember thinking that my baby is my legacy. Your child will probably be the last person you see before you die. I thought I knew love, I had noooooo idea, you are gonna go a little nutty. Don’t worry hun, you got this, as a mum you’re gonna turn into a fighter.

    You will be strong, I know it. I have faith in you x

    #50501 Report

    Jess8080
    Participant

    Thank you that’s very kind.

    I’m so sorry you had to do this alone too! It’s sad that we as woman have to go through this alone and when I say alone I mean without a partner I’ve got a good support network but nobody I know has been in this situation so it’s hard for them to fully understand.

    To be left in a position to think can I do this on my own physically, emotionally and financially or am I been kinder to myself and to this one to not go ahead with it. That’s where my heads been since I found out.

    I know that I can do it physically and emotionally although I know how tough it’s going to be or at least I have an idea, it’s the finance side I want to get in order so we are ok and can afford to get by.

    #50507 Report

    PrincessDaisy
    Participant

    Hon you’re probably better off on all counts, there is a lot of support for people like us. My closest relative is over 500 miles away so we are alone. It’s OK. It’s like passing an exam you didn’t know was coming everything just fits. I came out of uni with Β£72k of student debt and he hasn’t given me a bean. Tbh, the last time he graced us m, it was as I said to take the pram so I’m happy he’s gone. I said I’d never stop access but he’s rejected me, never my son.

    I don’t know if you believe in God, but the good book states that single is the default position because you can concentrate on God, likewise as a single parent, you can devote all your time to raiding a genius, you get to name him, decide when to have all of his vaccines. You have total control. Lemons, lemonade yada yada…. ☺

    Out with the bad in with the new! πŸ˜‚

    I’m not into dating during a pandemic but with a baby you get a lot of attention! πŸ˜‚

    #50508 Report

    PrincessDaisy
    Participant

    Raising not raiding

    Ps make sure he or she has you last name. My friend was stopped by American customs and she had to prove her daughter was hers! Eek! I would NEVER have a different name.

    #50513 Report

    Jess8080
    Participant

    I do believe in God it was one of the many reasons I choose not to go down the abortion route along with the fact this isn’t a babies fault but my own for getting in this situation. He/she doesn’t deserve to be punished for that. So it’s not even an option.

    He’s came back saying he wants to try and asking me how my day is going ect but still been cold with me at the same time it’s very weird and confusing.

    I’m too hurt by how he spoke to me and the things he said when we found out I just don’t know how anyone could bounce back into a relationship after that. I also have the worry of is he just worried about how he’s going to look and is trying to look like the good guy. If I was to even consider allowing him back to try and do this together to give our baby a mum and dad would it just be toxic in the long run and would I be heartbroken later in pregnancy or after because he’s walked away again.

    Baby is definitely getting my surname for sure. I’ve read how important this is for none married couples.

     

    #50514 Report

    PrincessDaisy
    Participant

    Good, he sounds like a right pillock! There are videos on YouTube for first time fathers to watch. I won’t post them because I might get in trouble with admin again.

     

    Synopsis

    For men order if importance

    1. Before baby = you

    2. Whilst partner pregnant = mum, baby, then you

    3. After baby born =baby, mama, dog, cat, hamster, postman, then you.

    Most guys get jealous of baby’s attention and if you think it will get toxic its not fair on little Daisy (slipped that in there-πŸ˜‚). Remember you are a mama now, your last non official mothers day. May I say congratulations it’s hard but you can do it.

    1. Don’t worry about second hand stuff, everyone does it especially now. Everything can be second hand except for car seat, unless you know the history. If it’s previously been even in a small collision it’s no longer safe and may look brand new. Chances are you’ll be barred from claiming if anything happened (the last thing on your mind).

    2. Everyone will have advice, just because they have ten kids doesn’t mean their right. I’ve been told things then I research and it’s downright dangers. No water until over 6 months – 10mls can be lethal to a baby, no hats at home again can be lethal – I never knew that, but you can and should invest in online baby cpr and first aid class. Do it ASAP because its hard to concentrate with baby. They cover choking, meningitis etc as well. FYI meningitis does not always have a rash. I had to call paramedics, then the ambulance came, then we were taken to hospital. Scary stuff. Your patience will be tested, but remember you’re their whole world and after they’re born they don’t understand that their not part of you. I have a baby seat that stays in the bathroom, I Co sleep (never used his cot once!) another in the kitchen, and playpen. Invest in baby carrier as a single parent you’ll be popping daisy in there to do everything.

    It’s hard work, but rewarding!

    Phew, rant over! Now you know why I wrote a book πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ I crack myself up.

     

    #50515 Report

    Gummibear123
    Participant

    Hello?

    What’s this about no water till 6 months and no hats at home being lethal?! You’re cracking Me up as well.πŸ˜†

    #50517 Report

    PrincessDaisy
    Participant

    Oh poo my post disappeared! πŸ˜‚

    #50518 Report

    PrincessDaisy
    Participant

    OK I did site my sources.

    Water hyponatremia look it up and I’m quoting here…

    Hats “Remove hats or bonnets from a baby as soon as you come indoors or enter a warm car, bus or train, even if it means waking your baby up. Babies regulate their temperature through their head.”

    From SIDS website.

    If I get kicked off here it’s your fault. πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ Worst part my previous message was reallllly long!

    #50595 Report

    MAJ1992
    Participant

    How awful,Β  I have been in a similar situation, Your partner can’t just blame you, but unfortunately some partners do. No one should ever have to go through something like this, yourΒ  emotions will be all over the place as it is, let alone going through this as well. When i find out i was pregnant i was about 6 weeks, My ex partner didn’t speak to me and avoid me for two whole days when i told him andΒ  when we did finally speak he told me he wanted me to abort it. Due to my own personal reasons, I had already decided i was going to keep the baby. and I told him straight that i would not abort the baby , not for him or anyone. although i was scared and alone, I told him that i would do it with or without his support, By the time i had my first scan at 11 weeks a week later , My Ex decided to end things with me, He told me i was having a baby he didn’t want.Β  It was heartbreaking and something i had never imagined would happen , but i don’t regret my decision at all ,my child is now 5 years old ,although it’s been a tough 5 years at times, it has also been amazing 5 years and couldn’t imagine my life any different.

    If you can work it out with your partner and agree on what to do next then that’s amazing, but if you can’t , you have to do what’s best for you and you have to go with what you want to do, because it’s okay for your partner , all they have to do it say what they want, they are not actually the one’s who have to go through with the decision . I hope everything works out for you and i wish you all the best with whatever you decide but remember you are never alone no matter what you decide.

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