21 September 2020 at 5:53 pm #44153
So I seprated from my husband end February then we went straight into lockdown.
These passed 6 months have been a living nightmare and still continuing currently with pending divorce until finaces are agreed and court for child arrangements as i have safeguarding issues they need to explore before any decision is made.
I have spent the last 6 months just pushing through and doing whats best for my two daughters and forgotten about myself and im running on empty.
The thought of a possible lockdown again scares me so much as the only thing getting me through is my work at their school and meeting with friends for coffee when they are at school.
I dont have a huge support network so having time for myself just dont happen as evenings are spent doing stuff around the house or feeling sorry for myself as I feel so depressed with how my life has turned out.
There is a bit of a back story with why I left but don’t want to go into that but main thing is I started to see the effects on our daugters so enough was enough.
I wish to one day find someone who can love me and my girls but equally this relationship has crushed me so much I dont feel i trust anyone anymore and this scares me as that means a life alone.
Most of my friends have families of their own and ive realised that seeing people happy families on Facebook only reminds me what I will never have as there is no way I would ever take my husband back.21 September 2020 at 7:37 pm #44156
First off don’t look at Facebook people rarely post the whole story the smiley happy ‘making memories’ pictures are not how they are 100% of the time.
All of my friends are with partners, everyone in my family is with someone, and I’m the only person in our entire office who is single. Sometimes it gets me down but remembering how horrible it was with my ex husband and how unhappy and alone I felt I’d rather be on my own than ever go through that again. I have been out with a few people but I can’t trust anyone. My counsellor says that I’m mourning the life I thought I’d have with my ex husband I put all my trust in him and was looking forward to planning our future with the children but he rewarded me with lies and abuse and I’m sad that it didn’t work out, and i think she’s right.
I’ve just got back to normal going back into the office and the kids are all back in school and today two have come down with colds so i’m back working from home because the school won’t have them and I’m praying the other two don’t get it too.
It took me years to obtain a divorce and a financial settlement and after a further two years the house has finally sold six weeks ago, i have been to court to get a child arrangement order to stop his constant threats to me and my two older children who aren’t his.
It’s been a very long five and a half years but at no point do i regret leaving him, i don’t even hate him anymore for what he did to me and the children I feel nothing for him. Now everything is settled i finally feel like i have my life back and maybe one day i will trust someone but until then i’m keeping myself busy with four kids and starting my masters degree in a few weeks as well as working full time.
I suppose I’m saying it’s been a long road for me but things do eventually get better, speaking to a counsellor once a fortnight has helped my greatly just to put things into perspective and help me realise i’m not a failure and i’m not letting my kids down because they don’t have their father living with them.21 September 2020 at 7:41 pm #44157
I totally understand how you feel. My partner left in April not long into lockdown, he woke up one morning and out the blue told me he just saw me as a friend after 16years, packed a bag and left.
The summer has been a blur of trying to be a good mum to my little boy but honestly I’m sick of trying to hold it together. I admitted defeat a couple of months ago and spoke with my doctor as I felt I was getting to the point of running on empty emotionally and physically and felt I was heading to a breakdown of some sort.
my doctor was great and got me a bit of counselling with herself and but me on a low dose of antidepressants (which I was reluctant to take as I’d never been on any medication) but she said it was short term and would take the edge off. I still have my bad days but this has definitely helped. I find that talking to people in similar situations helps too.
I deleted my Facebook as I couldn’t bear seeing all the families together doing things and it broke my heart even more than it was.
feel free to inbox me on here if you would like to chat.
Cara x21 September 2020 at 9:20 pm #44162
I agree with the other posts… ignore social media as every happy picture has a story and not every story is happy. My husband left me on our twins first birthday. He maintains contact coming to see us every other day and i find this quite difficult emotionally but on the other hand i dont want to stop seeing him as its hard to let go. He is hot and cold with his messages and sometimes i dont see where is stand. He has a history of depression and partly i blame that for maybe coming back, or at least its wishful thinking so that i dont think he could just leave. Take care, you are not alone in this situation even though it may feel that way for now.21 September 2020 at 11:11 pm #44170
My ex walked out 2 days after Xmas so I understand how you feel. I am lucky as we have managed to get the divorce quickly, even with lockdown slowing the courts down.
My advice is dont rushing into anything, I know how after a long relationship, mine was 28 years in total, you feel.the need to have someone but I am sure a decent break is needed. I have 2 kids also 15 and 17, and I am sure many people like us are looking for someone to accept us and our children.
Brian22 September 2020 at 9:33 am #44175
Thank you everyone for your replies.
Talking to others in similar situation helps to make you feel less alone.
I started the divorce proceedings about June time and I am able to apply for the last part but cant until finaces are agreed. We were meant to exchange statements last mon but of course that’s still yet to happen so can even start the battles of finances. Im certain he is using the extra time to move money away so he can keep more for himself.
He is a very selfish man and so is his father. He has a share in his dads property but it had not been registered with land registry on my mother in laws death so my solicitor is advising me I am unable to fight for that which is the only way I would be able to remove him from the ownership of our house so I can break free of him so I’m stuck living here which scares me as involvement of police is very much so a norm just because he knows where we live which i would rather move so he dont know so we can feel safe again.
His attempts of coming to the house have left me and my girls not sleeping we as its always at night hes tried as he wants items from the house that we have not agreed on yet.
We are also currently waiting for a date for a fact finding for child arrangments to show the court what he has put us through. But my barister believes this will not be for a while due to back log of the courts.
I want to start a new life away from here but hes already told me he will not let me. Which he has the power to do im told due to his parental status but its hard as when you breaking free from abuse this does not assist me to do so.
This makes me feel leaving him is a waste of time as he will always have control over where we live, schools etc.
Anyone manager to break free from an abusive partner and start fresh??