So i still live my babies dad. We have a mortgage together and a 7 month old baby. Weve been together for 5 years in total. I just feel so low and depressed at the moment. My mum has terminal cancer and my dad is elderly. I dont feel like I can burden then and move back in. I live in a small 2 bed house but I’ve never wanted to escape my life as much as I do now. We couldn’t be any further apart. I’m scared of losing my house. I dont know where to turn too. I dont feel loved by my partner and I dont feel like I love him anymore either. We argue over the smallest things. I feel like I’m losing my mind and need space away from him. My life just feels like a mess. I’m trying to hold it together because I have a baby and I must give her the best upbringing like I had but everything seems so difficult at the moment. I need some kind if direction as I feel like mentally and emotionally I’m slipping away.
I am sorry to hear you are struggling at the moment. It must be really difficult for yourself to make sense of all the emotions you feel right now. Becoming a mum it changes you as a person and it’s a rollercoaster of emotions, it can feel very rewarding but also isolating. It’s even more difficult to make a drastic decision now because you can not think rationally. You probably don’t sleep enough, you have to be up with the baby a lot throughout the night, look after a baby, yourself and your husband, a house etc.
A baby puts pressure on a marriage and my advice to you would be to wait until you make a drastic decision. In 2-3 years,once your child is older, you may feel differently towards your husband. Unless there is abuse or a very toxic environment, I would suggest you stay in the marriage you are in and make it work, if that’s what he wants too.
I’m sorry you’re going through such a hard time, you sound utterly miserable and depressed. I think Butbyfaith’s advice is spot on, if your still seeing a health visitor speak to them, failing that speak to your doctor. It may well be that your suffering from postnatal depression which can come on for up to a year after having a baby but once diagnosed there is a lot of help available.
Depression effects many aspects of a person’s life including doubting what others feel about you, it can also make you irritable, in fact almost everything you’ve said are classic symptoms of depression.
As I said earlier there is help available you just need to ask for it, it’s nothing to be ashamed of as most of us suffer from it at some point in our lives, you can and will get through this.