feel like im drowning in grief.
Tagged: thank you all
10 December 2017 at 5:16 pm #6057
4 months after the break up of our marrige my husband started seeing someone i know . her family live across the road from me and i see them together alot. and see them with our kids when he has them and it breaks my heart. has anyone else been in this situation . how long before the pain goes away.10 December 2017 at 8:29 pm #6060
You have got it extra hard as it is in your face. My only advice is to keep busy, clean the house, get out and see all your friends when he has the kids. It does hurt and there is no harm in being angry and crying when on your own. I don’t think the hurt goes away but you learn to live with it, or put it in a box in your mind and count yourself lucky that you aren’t that new women!
sending you a hug as I think you deserve one!10 December 2017 at 8:31 pm #6061
The grief will stay a long time as you loved each other once and you had kids together
It took me a long time but it does get better . I know it is upsetting because if it was me I would go charging over there shouting . I know you are not but all this takes time because you are seeing them often. This woman has taken your place so you need to reinvent yourself and take up a hobby like a meet up group so you can focus on something else.11 December 2017 at 9:49 am #6073
thankyou for your kind replies. x
time to just grin and bare it.14 December 2017 at 12:08 pm #6128
Its only natural for you to feel hurt, upset, angry, and many more feelings you may experience, and yes at times you will feel like you are drowning in grief, but I assure you with time it will get better, time is a great healer. One day hopefully you will find somebody new, then he will feel your pain when he see’s your children with somebody new.
If you feel angry or upset, write all your feelings down it does help.
I to are sending hugs to you, take care your pain will ease14 December 2017 at 12:55 pm #6132
Hello! I just joined the community. Although I cannot offer you advice (as I am going through something very similar), I can relate to you fully. My ex-husband was having an affair for a year (he said), and I discovered the affair just 2 months ago. He just left the household 2 weeks ago and I have just discovered that he is already booking holidays with all his family (brothers, sisters) and that woman. He is even considering taking my kids on that holiday with them!. I think he is just pushing way too much. All in all, I understand how you feel. I find that so far, the crying exercise has helped. I have cried a lot and will continue until hopefully, I start healing. It is tough, very tough and heartbreaking, and I don’t think we will know how long it will last. I personally cry and try to find comfort in my family, and if you believe in something (I believe in God) then go for that. I also try to give my self a lot of care and love, we have to. Sending you lots of love as I understand your pain.15 December 2017 at 8:27 pm #6148
I feel the same way. I also discovered 2 months ago that my husband had been having an affair for 6 months. We’d been together for 12 years and I loved him more than anything. This was such a shock. The pain is unbearable. I honestly don’t know how to get through it. A lot of the time I think I cannot. So I don’t have any advice I’m afraid, but you are not alone. I keep hoping he will realise the mistake he has made, but I’m starting to wonder whether he’s even capable of seeing what he’s done. He’s lost the best thing he’ll ever have, his family, and nothing will ever replace that because it’s already tainted by what he’s done.15 December 2017 at 8:53 pm #6150
From a male perspective…
I was with my ex wife for 15 years. Raised her child from a previous relationship plus our 2 till May 2016. Messy separation as she suddenly “didn’t love me anymore” and “being asked on dates by guys”. She gas lighted (Google it! I only found out recently what it means) me for months in the run up to it.
Found out 5 months after separation she’d been on dates and gearing up for settling in with another guy all along. I was loyal, trusting, loving, caring, protective but deep down I knew something wasn’t right. She used passive aggressive techniques to belittle me constantly and I put on over 32kg over the 15 years.
2017 I decided to get a grip and lost the 32 KGS, toned up, sorted my head out and now refocus on protecting and keeping my boys safe. We share the children and it is hard seeing her but once I stopped being stupidly loyal even when she was cheating it boosted my confidence loads.
Currently I’m so lonely it hurts and would love to meet anyone for a chat over a coffee and cake.
It’s still hard but I have my head held higher now and as for her her fancy man dumped her after 6 months after he found her cheating with someone else!!
People keep telling me good riddance to her etc but when your first love burns you after 15 years like she did the wounds will always be there. I just dress better now to hide them 🙂
Sending you all peace, love and good karma… And apologies for the ramble! xx15 December 2017 at 8:59 pm #6151
Hi there what lovely words from everyone and BC_Kid good for you!!!
Was married over 30 years met when 18. Don’t deny your feelings, write them down, draw, paint, dance, sing, hit pillows ..let it out. The more you bottle up, hold in, keep a stiff upper lip the more you will hurt and become bitter.
Life is funny, but having lost a brother, both parents, friends and now this..i have learnt that everything does have a reason and if it makes you a better, stronger person who can then help someone else than that is good.
Protect your children from your own anger as they are still made up of both of you is my advice. But remember you are all beautiful and you are all amazing jsut because they cannot see it does not mean others do not. And remember the problem is with them. Hold on to that and feel sorry because at the end of the day you can reinvent yourself, or even FIND yourself again. I am trying….it is not easy but life is too short.
Look at what you do have, focus on that . Wake up and say to yourself what do i have to be grateful to today? look around and take a really good look and you will find.
xxxxx15 December 2017 at 9:03 pm #6152
sands – what your ex is doing is despicable. Shows a very selfish streak and you have every right to be angry. What a shallow person to do such things. It must really hurt and i think everyone on this forum feels your pain.
I know it must hurt like “”””” but you hold your head up high. You look at him straight in the eye and know that you ARE THE BETTER PERSON
you ARE the mother to those kids and it is to you those kids look to. That bond will never break .
I wish you strength and courage and if you have the energy one of my brothers helped me get through dark days by recommending me Mindfulness in a Frantic World – fantastic! saved my sanity.16 December 2017 at 8:17 pm #6192
thank you to all your replies . and its some comfort to know im not alone . and i feel for you all . and send hope and happiess to you all. xx18 December 2017 at 11:39 pm #6225
Thank you lovely people 🙂
I’m happy to chat to anyone really and just feel that the more we can help each other here the better. I haven’t met anyone in 18 months as I put myself and my children top priority but now feel it would be nice to meet someone special… I have no idea if I ever will but live in hope 🙂
If any of you are in Lincoln or nearby drop me a line. I’m really good at drinking coffee and eating cake ha ha 😉
Best wishes and love to all over Christmas xx19 December 2017 at 11:58 pm #6277
Wow Sands I think you are very strong for not having strangled him and you should be proud of that! You’re stronger then you think. I’d been with my husband nearly 13 years when he left me 18 months ago for another woman…it came as a total shock for me, I was happy and loved him so much, we have 2 small children. People told me that time would heal and I didn’t believe it, didn’t think the pain would ever get better, I’d never experienced anything like it. But it has gotten better, I still have difficult days but I feel like a new person, and the one thing I’ve realised is that he is no longer the man I loved, he has changed too, and accepting that has helped a great deal. Take some time to take care of yourself, spend time on yourself. You will get through this and be happy again. X21 December 2017 at 9:10 am #6327
I can imagine how hard this is for you, I would feel the same. My husband left me in April and 6 months after i found out that the gut feeling I had for the past couple of years of another woman being involved was true, apparently she is only a “friend” but he use to spend time with her with my daughter whilst I was at work, he made an imaginary name up so when my daughter talked about her I thought it was an imaginary friend at first but the Moreno she spoke about her the more I felt it was real, any way he’s now living in a shared home with this “friend” and my daughter has to see her still it makes me sick to the stomach that she does my daughters hair even after I’ve asked him to not allow it, my daughter knows her well because she’s been meeting up with her for the last few years. I feel there is more to this than what he’s telling me and I’m loosing sleep over it and getting myself in a right state.
Not any help I know, but I know how you are feeling and it’s not nice. He’ll soon not like it when the boots on the other foot and you have another partner one day