Feel like I’m back at day 1.

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  • #47503 Report

    TaniaL
    Participant

    My husband left nearly 5 months ago, I was completely devastated he cut all contact for 3 months with me and the kids & only got back in contact when I asked him to see them because they weren’t coping and it was only a tzt saying pick up and drop off time. For those 3 months I was a mess, seeing the kids in so much pain killed me so when he started seeing them it was a relief I was doing so well, started clearing the house of all his things a putting them in an out building for him to collect. 2 wks ago I told him it was there and he hasn’t had any communication since picking it up, still sees the children but just shows up at the ‘usual’ time to collect them. Which is fine I just afraid he won’t show up and the kids are hurt. I thought Christmas was going to be tough having to split time with him but it worked. So today I get up & feel that punch in the stomach like the morning after he left I haven’t stopped crying and I miss him so much today. I don’t understand it? I know I still love him very much  but I’ve accepted that he has moved on and doesn’t want me just the kids. But today it hurts so much 😭😭😭

    #47506 Report

    FurBag36
    Participant

    @Tanial Oh Tania, my heart really aches for you.

    Dealing with those feelings of rejection is so deeply agonising. The pain on some days can feel like it has never left and is so so raw.

    Other days you can feel on top of the world. These days will come in waves. Going from handling everything to falling apart.

    But as time goes by, you’ll find that the down days will become less and less. It will get easier.

    That is what we are all waiting for, time. The time to heal. The time to ease the hurt. Time to want to forget.

    Your poor little’uns. This must be incredibly difficult for them. I’m sure those feelings of anxiety that he will hurt them again, amplifies the hurt you already have.

    If you have the down days then just cry it out. Have a good old cry. I know it’s lonely my lovely. I know the pain is overwhelming. We are here for you though. We are all here in the same boat. I’ve just spent the last three days doing nothing but crying. I didn’t eat. In those three days, I had a handful of cashew nuts and a rich tea biscuit. Then just cups of tea. I just wasn’t hungry. I didn’t want to do anything.

    Then I woke up today and feel like Wonder Woman.

    Just take each day at a time. I’m here if you ever need to message me privately. Please don’t sit there alone if you do want to talk ok.

    #47508 Report

    Mike86
    Participant

    Hi Tania,

    I’m very sorry to hear this happened to you.

    My wife had an affair and left me 2 weeks ago. She ignored our son for 5 days and now calls each day but I had to beg her to.

    If you need someone to talk to I’m here.

    #47510 Report

    FurBag36
    Participant

    @Mike86 It’s one thing to dump off your partner; but your children. I will never understand how anyone can do that.

    I hope you’re getting on as best you can be Mike. We are all here if you need anything ok.

    Im hoping a new year really will bring a fresh start. I hope for the same for you too.

    #47512 Report

    Mike86
    Participant

    Thank you FurBag36 and I hope it will be a better year.

    In all fairness, she did want to take him with her – but I wouldn’t allow it. She’d only known this new man for 2 weeks when I found out, she has moved an hour’s train ride away to be with him, doesn’t drive and has no money. No way was I letting her take him.

    But yeah, 5 days to call him. Never once asked about him during that time, just asked me for money.

    Now she’s making demands to see him in 2 weeks for his birthday. I work fulltime, have to now sort out mortgage deeds, divorce and all that and I’m still upset because despite this I still love her. Together for 8 years.

    #47514 Report

    TaniaL
    Participant

    @FurBag36 I’ve cried all day and had to keep making excuses but I don’t like them seeing me like this it’s not fair on them either my 7yr old is already very anxious I like to be strong for her.Thank you for your kind words strangers listen better than family lol


    @Mike86
    it’s horrible having to sort out all the legal stuff on top off having to deal with the emotions. The house I’m in is my exs he says I can stay here & he has already bought another house but I don’t want to be here but can’t afford to go on my own it’s such a mess because of selfish actions. My ex took to social media to tell all that I wouldn’t let him she the kids because I told his solicitor he could see the girls whenever he wanted?!. I’m just struggling atm because I can’t see a reason for everything I sometimes think it would b easier if there was some1 else instead hoping he wants to come home.

    #47515 Report

    Mike86
    Participant

    @TaniaL

    Yes, having to sort out legal stuff as well as deal with heartache is awful.

    Like yourself, I have times when I wish she would come home. But realistically I know I could never trust her again. It’s such a mess. She wasn’t distant from me either, we were close and I had no idea until the night I found out.

    How you’re feeling is natural. Let your emotions out and don’t be afraid to cry. It hurts and you have every right to still miss him. Despite what my wife has done, I can’t just switch off how much I love and miss her.

    #47518 Report

    FurBag36
    Participant

    @Tanial @Mike86 Love doesn’t just disappear overnight. We will still feel the love for a long time. Again, it’s just waiting until it slowly fades. It’s gut wrenching.

    Mike, I think you should visit this site.

    separateddads.co.uk

    It has so much advice in there surrounding divorce, legal papers and courts, your rights etc…. Have a read. There’s a forum there for other dad’s to talk to as well. It’s very informative.

    Tania, I know. I feel for you. Mike is right, just cry it out hun. That’s all you can do for now. Cry and let it out. I know it’s difficult to not cry in front of them.

    Exes love to contort the truth. It’s so hard to rise above it and ignore it when you’re already feeling so low.

    Just remember what you’re doing now is for your little’un.

    Tania, are you able to rent? Could you afford to rent privately?

    #47526 Report

    TaniaL
    Participant

    My ex started down the legal route 4wks after he left I just got a txt telling me to get a solicitor, then a couple of days later a letter from the solicitors with the intention of starting proceedings? I can’t afford a solicitor so I dealt with it myself but now he’s gotten rid of the solicitor & there is no way of communicating.

    I honestly can’t wrk it all out he seems very angry even thu he’s got to walk away pretty clean. The way he’s seeing things is very different from how I see it . I would have him back in a heartbeat if it was just me to think of but because he hurt our kids I don’t think I could trust him not to do that to them again either.

    My family have never liked him, we’ve been together 11 yrs &my family drifted away in that time so now he’s gone they really don’t want to know it hurts they just expect me to be over it. Plus I’ve lost his family now too and I was closer to them than my own so loneliness is definitely playing a role in feeling low atm. So thank you for listening and responding it has really helped.

    #47529 Report

    Mike86
    Participant

    @TaniaL

    Same, my wife is making me pay for everything because she has no money and she gets to walk away scott free.

    Apparently she hadn’t been happy for months and if I hadn’t found out about the new guy she would have left after Christmas.

    We’ve only been married a year and bought the house in March. Apart from a few arguments we had a great life together as far as I knew.

    My family never liked her but I defended her on many occasions, causing family arguments. I’ve always been there for her but she reckons I haven’t been.

    It will continue to hurt, for both you and I, but we have to remember that our respective partners did this and I’m sure in both cases things could have been fixed if they had put the effort in to do so.

    Not much consolation though, I know.

    #47556 Report

    FurBag36
    Participant

    @Tanial You may be entitled to Legal Aid Tania. Contact a Solicitors and fine out. Alternative, you can talk to Citizen’s Advice Bureau. They will be able to guide you.

    #47583 Report

    TaniaL
    Participant

    Thank you @FurBag36 I’ve already spoke to a solicitor when he 1st left to see where I stood with the housing situation , I can get aid when it comes to the custody of the children but not to do with the separation side of thing because it’s classed as personal matter and legal aid doesn’t cover it but I hadn’t thought of citizens advice, even if it is just for some advice. Thank you for your advice too, Have you been through this recently?

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