Feel like I drowning

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  • #45296 Report

    Councilpopmom
    Participant

    As a single mother too three beautiful children you think life would be great but it’s far from it…. I’ve decided to put my thoughts down in a forum hope for helpful advice or for people to just relate and tell me I’m not alone….

    I lost my mother 5 years ago and since then life has just been bad luck after bad luck and I’ve lost the one and only person I could ever talk too..If losing my mom wasn’t bad enough I then lost my house being made homeless with my then 2 children having to live 9 months in a travel lodge not being able to cook and feed my kids proper food washing the clothes in a bath traveling 6 hour round trip on buses to keep my kids in school was not what I wanted for my children they deserve so much better but 5 years down the line I seem to fine myself back at square one….. after getting myself into private renting last year my landlord was going to kick me and my three children out because I needed repairs done and he didn’t want the hassle….but I bed him to change his mind to be now told he is thinking about selling his house as he and his wife have lost their jobs…..I can’t take much more I’m already living in poor living situations my bath leaks through to the kitchen ceiling so I now can’t have my heating on at night because I have to turn the water of to stop the leaks the Windows are all cracked there’s damp in my living room the back door leaks when it rains my front door isn’t secure… the fascia at the top of the house is loose so it bang when its windy really loud I can’t decorate because of all the fault that need fixing I hate How I live ….. but I’ve been scared to say anything because if fear for losing the house so I just put up…. as I don’t have money for deposits and guarantees…. the council don’t do anything till the day I’m evicted and then where do I put my stuff???? I just don’t know what to do or where I stand I’m constantly fighting a losing battle….. I look at my three children 11.9 and 2 next month and no matter what they go through they are so beautiful smart and so so clever…. I look at them and constAntly think they deserve better they deserve……better then me  and I thank them because if it wasn’t for them I know I wouldn’t be here now that’s a certainty….. I don’t work since my last baby was born but don’t judge me for that I’ve worked all my life and I’d love nothing more then to get back to work….. financial stability and adult conversation…. but there’s nothing there right now,I look and look…. for for now it’s universal credit but that doesn’t cover everything as many of u would know the ice this year I’ve had to get help from the food bank which is so disheartening on your self judgement but we are so lucky these places exists to help…. my gas and electricity is alway on emergency and never has more then two pounds on….. constantly moaning at the kids to turn things of or they can’t do something because your trying not to use the electric fast…. it’s not their fault they should be able to do as they like (within reason).

    I just don’t know anymore the thought of Christmas its breaking my heart and my baby is two next month lucky for me she prefers to play with the boxes…….if I don’t laugh I’ll cry and ill worry I’ll never stop.  it’s seriously not nice to not know when your next meal is coming or not being able to give your children all the fruit and veg they need because a frozen pizza is a cheaper meal…..

    I have not done this blog for symphathy or nasty comments I already hate myself….. I’ve done it to vent because if I don’t I’ll burst I mean they are only a few of my many many problems but I thought I’d start small….Just looking for a virtual ear to listen and that feeling I’m not alone

    • This topic was modified 4 weeks, 1 day ago by GingerbreadJustine. Reason: moderator removed formatting codes
    #45305 Report

    Hi Councilpopmom

    Thankyou for posting here on our forum.  I am so sorry you are feeling like this.  There will be parents reading this on the forum who may have experienced similar situations and I’m sure it won’t be long for them to make contact with you.  It sounds really hard for you currently.  I recommend that you contact our single parent helpline.  They will be able to spend some time with you so you can explore what options you do have.  They are a great team of people and they will be able to advise you around your entitlements.  Here are their details:

    • Gingerbread Single Parent Helpline – Freephone 0808 802 0925

    Opening hours:  Mon 10 – 6, Tues 10- 4, Wed 10 – 1 & 5 – 7, Thurs 10 – 4, Fri 10 – 4  They can be busy so callers can expect to wait up to 20 minutes before the call is answered.

    I hope this helps, Justine

    #45309 Report

    Sonzie2
    Participant

    Hi – i read your story and can honestly say you sound like an amazing mum please don’t be do hard on yourself !! I hope you take the advice above and ring the helpline.  There may be charities that can help you.  I’ve found during these times people can be so generous- are you on Facebook? There are lots of free cycle pages on there in my area and wondering if there is in yours ? Its amazing the things people give away, especially children’s toys and clothes- see if there’s one in your area.  Also there’s an app called togoodtogo local shops basically sell all their end of date stock – its worth a try – you get a bag of food for £4.  Don’t ever be ashamed of going to the food bank – its a great resource – I know a school mum who has to use the food bank and she’s a teacher- times are hard- they are there to help u.  Ive volunteered in one and u get people from all walks of life using them.  Your landlord sounds a horror – he shld maintain your property- he has a legal obligation to do so especially as you have young children.  I know the thought of moving is making you petrified but it might end up for the best – you might end up somewhere better.  Completely understand you not being able to work with a 2 year old – childcare is extortionate- when your daughter is 3 you will get funding for childcare and that will help you – finding a job at the moment is impossible so dont beat yourself up.  You are doing the best you can and to be honest you are incredible to keep going !! Your children love you and when they are older they will look back on your struggle and have so much respect for you. My mum was a single mum with Royal kids and it was so hard- we had nothing but now when I look back I have nothing but admiration for her – I dont know how she did it – we had no money but a lot of love and we all grew up to have good careers etc even tho we were council estate kids !! Your children sound amazing and they will make you proud – stay strong and keep us posted on your journey xx

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