Feel like I drowning

Home Online forum Gingerbread Forum Feel like I drowning

Viewing 11 posts - 1 through 11 (of 11 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #45297 Report

    Councilpopmom
    Participant

     <span style=”font-family: times;” data-keep-original-tag=”false” data-original-attrs=”{"style":""}”>As a single mother too three beautiful children you think life would be great but it’s far from it…. I’ve decided to put my thoughts down in a forum hope for helpful advice or for people to just relate and tell me I’m not alone….</span><span style=”font-family: times;”>I lost my mother 5 years ago and since then life has just been bad luck after bad luck and I’ve lost the one and only person I could ever talk too..</span><span style=”font-family: times;”>If losing my mom wasn’t bad enough I then lost my house being made homeless with my then 2 children having to live 9 months in a travel lodge not being able to cook and feed my kids proper food washing the clothes in a bath traveling 6 hour round trip on buses to keep my kids in school was not what I wanted for my children they deserve so much better but 5 years down the line I seem to fine myself back at square one….. after getting myself into private renting last year my landlord was going to kick me and my three children out because I needed repairs done and he didn’t want the hassle….but I bed him to change his mind to be now told he is thinking about selling his house as he and his wife have lost their jobs…..I can’t take much more I’m already living in poor living situations my bath leaks through to the kitchen ceiling so I now can’t have my heating on at night because I have to turn the water of to stop the leaks the Windows are all cracked there’s damp in my living room the back door leaks when it rains my front door isn’t secure… the fascia at the top of the house is loose so it bang when its windy really loud I can’t decorate because of all the fault that need fixing I hate How I live ….. but I’ve been scared to say anything because if fear for losing the house so I just put up…. as I don’t have money for deposits and guarantees…. the council don’t do anything till the day I’m evicted and then where do I put my stuff???? I just don’t know what to do or where I stand I’m constantly fighting a losing battle….. I look at my three children 11.9 and 2 next month and no matter what they go through they are so beautiful smart and so so clever…. I look at them and constAntly think they deserve better they deserve……better then me  and I thank them because if it wasn’t for them I know I wouldn’t be here now that’s a certainty….. I don’t work since my last baby was born but don’t judge me for that I’ve worked all my life and I’d love nothing more then to get back to work….. financial stability and adult conversation…. but there’s nothing there right now,I look and look…. for for now it’s universal credit but that doesn’t cover everything as many of u would know the ice this year I’ve had to get help from the food bank which is so disheartening on your self judgement but we are so lucky these places exists to help…. my gas and electricity is alway on emergency and never has more then two pounds on….. constantly moaning at the kids to turn things of or they can’t do something because your trying not to use the electric fast…. it’s not their fault they should be able to do as they like (within reason).</span><span style=”font-family: times;” data-keep-original-tag=”false” data-original-attrs=”{"style":""}”> just don’t know anymore the thought of Christmas its breaking my heart and my baby is two next month lucky for me she prefers to play with the boxes…….if I don’t laugh I’ll cry and ill worry I’ll never stop.</span>it’s seriously not nice to not know when your next meal is coming or not being able to give your children all the fruit and veg they need because a frozen pizza is a cheaper meal….. lhave not done this forum for symphathy or nasty comments I already hate myself….. I’ve done it to vent because if I don’t I’ll burst I mean they are only a few of my many many problems but I thought I’d start small….Just looking for a virtual ear to listen and that feeling I’m not alone

    #45302 Report

    champagnemoet
    Participant

    Hello councilpop mom. I have just read your post and you are right, there are many issues and i can understand the enormity of the trauma you go through.One thing above all that you said stood out for me.” No matter what they go through, my children are beautiful and smart.” and they are because of you, what you go through is crap and i wish i could give you a hug.Your children only need you, they dont comprehend other things, they are beautiful because of who their mom is, remember that.Please speak to your G.P about the way you feel and see what other help they are aware of for you.

    #45308 Report

    Councilpopmom
    Participant

    Thank u so much for your kind words and u are right they don’t comprehend the bad stuff and as best I can i hide it from them they do give me strength as they love me for just being me and that alone is priceless its just so hard to live yourself when u don’t deserve it I want to give them the world and its beyond my reach…. Thank u so much for reaching out your words mean more then u know xx

    #45310 Report

    champagnemoet
    Participant

    Hello again.I urge you to contact G.P Doctors dont just look after sick people, they are very skilled and experienced in looking after peoples health and well being, they act as psychologists and social workers and i am sure they could help support you in terms of living conditions.Please contact citizen advice regarding housing and other support networks.Your life experience will have made you a very strong individual which your children see, understand and love.Try to go out daily, just a walk, kicking leaves, game football, kids just want to be with their Mom, I promise you.The current situation is very hard for most people and i could tell you things that that would make you understand you are not alone.Your children need you and you need them you are someones Mom for always right?Hold them when you hurt.You are wonderful and well deserving of a very happy life.

    #45312 Report

    Councilpopmom
    Participant

    I’ve been scared to go to the gp if I’m Honest I think if I admit what’s going on or how I’m feeling I’ll be judged badly as my own family turned their backs on me when I asked for help but I think I’ll take the leap and call them why wouldn’t a stranger do the same I think the first big step for me was to write on here in a safe environment I think being so alone mentally drained me if u know what I mean…. I have a lot of time to over think things and its not healthy I’m going to try make a few fone calls tomo see if I can slowly get into a bed headspace and knowledge of what to do in my situation…. try a bit of positive thinking as it’s hopefully not always going to be this hard….Thank u so much for your support xx

    #45314 Report

    Sonzie2
    Participant

    <span style=”color: #1a1919; font-family: Lato, sans-serif; background-color: #fbfbfb;”>Hi – i read your story and can honestly say you sound like an amazing mum please don’t be do hard on yourself !! I hope you take the advice above and ring the helpline.  There may be charities that can help you.  I’ve found during these times people can be so generous- are you on Facebook? There are lots of free cycle pages on there in my area and wondering if there is in yours ? Its amazing the things people give away, especially children’s toys and clothes- see if there’s one in your area.  Also there’s an app called togoodtogo local shops basically sell all their end of date stock – its worth a try – you get a bag of food for £4.  Don’t ever be ashamed of going to the food bank – its a great resource – I know a school mum who has to use the food bank and she’s a teacher- times are hard- they are there to help u.  Ive volunteered in one and u get people from all walks of life using them.  Your landlord sounds a horror – he shld maintain your property- he has a legal obligation to do so especially as you have young children.  I know the thought of moving is making you petrified but it might end up for the best – you might end up somewhere better.  Completely understand you not being able to work with a 2 year old – childcare is extortionate- when your daughter is 3 you will get funding for childcare and that will help you – finding a job at the moment is impossible so dont beat yourself up.  You are doing the best you can and to be honest you are incredible to keep going !! Your children love you and when they are older they will look back on your struggle and have so much respect for you. My mum was a single mum with Royal kids and it was so hard- we had nothing but now when I look back I have nothing but admiration for her – I dont know how she did it – we had no money but a lot of love and we all grew up to have good careers etc even tho we were council estate kids !! Your children sound amazing and they will make you proud – stay strong and keep us posted on your journey xx</span>

    #45316 Report

    champagnemoet
    Participant

    Hello again.Doctors dont judge, they are professionals and nothing you tell them will be a suprise. Please give it a try, dont be ashamed to ask for help.Food bank is there for everyone, you are entitled.Health workers also attatched to G.P will be able to help with clothes that people donate.Can i ask where you live? ie midlands

    #45318 Report

    Councilpopmom
    Participant

    Sonzie thank u for your kind words of support ….

     

    I am going to give them a ring definitely I can’t put it off I need to face it head on now Xx I live in Staffordshire xx

    #45323 Report

    Greenfingers
    Participant

    Hi councilpopmum

    i have to say, you sound like a fab mum whose coping pretty well in dealing with the difficulties that have come your way despite very little support. Your entry is really balanced and it oozes strength. Just like many of the other readers, just feel like you need a big hug and for someone to support you through sone of these challenges. I realise things are not ideal, but don’t beat yourself up and put that down to your failings as a mum, clearly you’re not that.
    In your opinion I’d recommend you call the GP surgery but rather than speaking with the GP, ask to speak with the social prescribers. I’m sure these are National now. They help provide support for all things considered ‘social’ whereas some GPs have a tendency to medicalise things. If you’re not really wanting medication then that’s where I’d go first. If you don’t have social prescribing at your surgery then go to GP and see what they offer. Let us know how you get on xx

    #45324 Report

    champagnemoet
    Participant

    Hi again councilpop mom. Staffordshire, i am quite familiar with, i live in Birmingham. look at staffmoorlands.gov.uk for housing advice.Can i just say, yes the previous post regarding social prescribing is correct in the sense that they are in most GP practices.However, everything they address and suggest will be documented and run by the GP first.The last thing Gp’S want to do is medicate with antidepressants, and this is about your choice not instruction.Please feel free to message if you want.Ultimately, and you know this, you are the person who has to improve your situation and you will, a step at a time. Thinking of you

    #46245 Report

    Councilpopmom
    Participant

    Hi guys sorry I’ve been pretty poorly and my internet’s been playing up I’ve not been able to get on…. Hope your all ok ……  Have and of u had random message of a sue Saunders or a mahammed….. They have read my post then trying to scam me I felt sorry for sue as she played the cancer card and I told her I was there to talk then I got bombarded with emails asking for detail prey on the fact I’m struggling and the fact my mom had cancer to get to me it is disgusting xxxx.

Viewing 11 posts - 1 through 11 (of 11 total)

Log in or register to reply to this thread

Log In Register