It’s no coincidence that I chose today to post this question. My situation is fairly typical for this forum. 6 months ago, after 10 years together, my wife asked for a separation, I was in a very happy marriage as far as I knew. No-others involved (as far as I know). But my judgement has taken such a hammering that nothing would surprise me now.
Having never necessarily yearned for children, they are now pretty much my entire life. 2 boys, 3 and 5. In addition to the emotional connection with my life partner being severed I am dealing with the almost impossible situation of not being able to see them whenever I want, and the feeling that I have completely failed them.
I share them 50/50 with my wife who barely speaks to me. Sunday morning is when I drop them off. It’s the hardest part of the week. I can’t go back to my flat, so my routine is to just walk for the rest of the day until its an acceptable time to eat dinner and go to bed.
Not to generalise, but the “typical” situation on here seems to be the mother having the children the majority of the time, which I know has its own challenges. Are there any dads out there who, like me, would have the kids 100% of the time if that was possible? Anyone further down the line who is able to cope with this situation better?
Every ounce of joy I get from my kids is followed immediately by thoughts of what seems like an untenable future with no possibility of happiness.
Sending my best wishes to all Dad’s on here who are finding this day ****ing hard!!
Yep, that’s me! Except, I’m still fighting for access to my kids. I did use to look after them 24/7 until my wife packed her job in and two weeks later left with the kids. I too wasn’t sure about having kids, but now can’t imagine anything else. I haven’t physically seen them in 7 months (today in fact) and of course, no Father’s Day card. No one on my side of the family gets photos, cards, drawings, phone calls, anything. I’ve had one court appearance and it’s likely to drag on another year at least. I have at least got a concession of two phone calls a week (although my twins aren’t even speaking yet!) Feel completely hollow inside – you might even say Empty. I don’t wish I’d never had them, but I wish that before I even knew them I hadn’t met the ex!!! She’s a good mother to them, but a terrible partner for me.
Yep, I would love them 24/7 again, even though it was tiring. When parents on here moan about not having perfect lives but having access to their kids I always try to tell them it could be worse.
I know I shan’t have another relationship or do much with my life or have much money ever again, but I will sure as hell never stop fighting to be part of the kids’ lives and after all it’s only another 15 years or so before the choice is theirs anyway. If they ask why I wasn’t there all the time, I shall be straight with them.