Father wants 50/50 of 2 year old

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  • #64194 Report

    newseparation123
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    2 months ago my partner ended our relationship when I told him I was pregnant as he stated he didn’t want another child and accused me of getting pregnant on purpose to trick him into moving house. We already have a child who is 23 months old. He insisted that we should continue living together despite me stating I did not want this and found it very upsetting and stressful and potentially damaging my unborn baby. I pay all the rent and bills, he does not contribute anything. Over the following 2 months I requested he move out on multiple occasions and he said no. Eventually I said either he had to move out or I would move with our child. He agreed but has started saying if I make him move out then he wants a 50/50 joint residency of her starting immediately when he finds somewhere to live. He has threatened taking me to court to achieve this.

    Her care has up to now not been split anywhere near 50/50. He looks after her on a Monday during the day while I’m at work, I do every bedtime and get up with her every morning and do all her meal preparation, washing, household chores etc. She goes to nursery Tues and Wed. I look after her Thurs, Fri, Sat and Sun. On the days except Monday he plays with her for at most an hour a day while I cook or clean or whatever. We very very rarely spend anytime altogether as a family. I have very rarely been away from her overnight in her entire life – only a handful of times due to work and prior to the breakup I had never gone more than 24 hours without seeing her. I have frequently taken her to visit family or on holiday for a week at a time and invited him to come but he has always refused so she is used to going a week at a time without seeing him.

    I have proposed that he finds somewhere to live nearby and if he wants to see her every day I will facilitate that and he can carry on having her during the day on a Monday as has been the previous arrangement. I have said in time we can move towards joint residency and could build up to him having her 1-2 nights a week over time but that I don’t think he should have any overnight stays in the next 9-12 months while she adjusts to the major changes that are going on in her life with him moving out and the new baby coming and the fact we are all likely going to be moving halfway across the country to be nearer to our families in 6-9 months. I think this period will have may huge disruptions for her and the idea of her going to stay away from me in a completely new place at the same time will not be in her best interests. He is not agreeing to this.

    I’d be interested to hear other people’s experiences of situations where you disagree over custody arrangements and what you think his chances of getting 50/50 are given that this has not been the way childcare has been divided and she is so very young and not used to being away from me.

    #64200 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    hi,

    I think distance will be a big problem. if it went to court, then I don’t think they would allow 50/50 when both parents live very far from each other. it would make school runs impossible for one parent when child is older. when I went through courts, they decided overnights with child would start from age 2 and a half. it could be earlier. every case is different. so it’s not unusual for 2 year old to be having overnights with other parent.

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