Father wants 50 /50 custody of our 4 month old baby :(

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  • #37456 Report


    Bit of a long one…I suppose I’m looking for some reassurance. Help. Advice.

    Long story short. I left my ex when our baby was just 6 weeks old. We had been renovating a farm and he had persuaded me to live in a static caravan while the work was going on. He done hardly any work on the house all summer and when baby arrived in Oct, I had no choice but to take him back there.  It was in a muddy field going into winter,  I could hear rats scratching in the bedroom floorboards, had no bath, no drinking water. I Felt very isolated. All my family live 2 hours away. My  ex partner said I was being a diva basically, and that loads of people live in caravans. True, they do. I didn’t want to, and certainly not with a newborn. Having a new baby is hard enough. I basically said I couldn’t take it anymore and left him.

    I moved in with family over Christmas. In the New Year I moved back  and rented a place on my own to be closer to his dad ( 20 mins) so he could have a meaningful relationship with his son, rather than just at weekends. Even though I have no support network here, apart from my friends from NCT. I am on Mat Allowance and Universal Credit, and I’m renting privately. So money is super tight. He does give me money, £300 per month. I have told him that without that £300 I couldn’t even  afford to live here!!  We had our 1st  mediation session this week and I asked for more support with our baby- maybe he could come and have baby for a few hours in the evenings to give me a bit of time out, rather than insisting on taking him away for the night, but he refused. I also asked for help with paying the bills, rather than asking for more money, I thought if he could see it was going towards paying for heating,  and it would mean I could stay close by,  he might want to help. He refused, saying £300 is enough:(  He also said he wants me to stop BF so that he can have his son, who is only 4.5 months old more than 1 overnight at a time. (This is all I have agreed to while he is so young) He says I should stop BF him at 6 months, even though I don’t want to. He has also said that I need to go back to work and find a job that will allow me to work EVERY OTHER week, because he wants to have him at his ‘house’ – He means his mothers house,  as he’s still in the caravan. 50% of the time. He wants a baby to spend 1 week and my house, and 1 week at his. I mean, how is that fair on anyone? He’s not thinking about how that will effect his development. He proposes that he will take a week off work, every other week. (he is a farmer) Or he will take our baby with him. What he means is my baby will be raised by his Grandma! He at one point said he would give me more money if I agreed to the 50/50 custody! I said no way am I being blackmailed. I just can’t believe how unrealistic he’s being. I think he plans to take this to court. I have no money to do this! 🙁 The mediator said that because I wont agree to his only suggestion, there’s no point having more sessions. She did say that what he was proposing was not realistic.  My tenancy ends in June, so by May I have to decide if I even stay here or go back to family where I have support. Do you think the court could allow him to take our baby 50% of  the time. They mentioned CAFCASS doing an assessment. He keeps telling everyone that I’m ‘ill’ and ‘cuckoo’ & that my dog is a danger to the baby. He isn’t at all. And he was fine with our dog when I was in caravan, since I left him.  all of a sudden the dog shouldn’t be near his baby. He’s saying all these things,  because I think he thinks this is the way to go about getting what he wants. I feel sick with worry. As he’s self employed and his dad pays him a wage. I know he gets a lot of it in cash too, if they can even make him pay more, as they can’t prove his income, can they?  I doubt anyone has been in a similar situ, as it’s just ridiculous 🙁 But advice greatly appreciated. x

    #37459 Report



    Dont worry no court would allow the parenting of a small baby be 50/50. One week with you then one week at his grandmas??! Its absurd.

    #37465 Report


    Hi SamR26 – If you want advice on child maintenance or other issues, you can ring the Gingerbread Helpline on 0808 802 0925.

    #37466 Report


    Please contact womens aid they will be able to help. You do not need to do anything that he is asking as not in your babys best interest. You are the primary caregiver you call the shots. Are you in touch with your health visitor?

    #37471 Report


    No court will tell you to stop breast feeding. It’s in the best interests of the baby.
    Your ex is absurd and a bully. You’ve showed how reasonable you are by moving back so ex can see the baby.
    Take some advice from Woman’s Aid or the Gingerbread hotline and then let him waste his money going to court. He’ll lose.

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