Father says he will keep the children

[Lissa1590]

Hi I’ve not done this before but I didn’t really know where else to turn or what to do ..

I’ve been separated for a few years from my son’s father, they seen him every other Saturday at 6 through to 6 on the Sunday ..

My son’s go to stay regularly with his nan on the weekend that they don’t see their father & every now and again with my father (their grandad) on a Saturday night over night ..

My ex’s partner seems to want to control the situation with the children’s arranged times and this week the boys didn’t want to go and stay over on Halloween night they wanted to stay at home, this triggered a lot of abusive texts from her & them from their father agreeing with her, that id ruined their plans etc (It’s been totally the boys decision their father even ring and asked them) .

This then triggered the boys father into saying that they are not to go and stay at their nans or my dad’s (their grandads) at any time, they are to be with me at all times, and if he finds out they are there he will go and collect them & keep them and not bring them back home.

This as worried me sick, I now daren’t let them to see any family, I’m worried that if they go to him at the weekend they don’t come home, I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t stop crying because of all swearing, name calling & threats to keep the children .. I don’t know what to do to stop this ?

Does anyone have any legal advice as to where I stand on This?

The boys adore their family and love going to nan and grandad at the weekend, they will be devastated!

Thank you

[Anonymous]

I mostly agree with Anonymous. Its a responsibility of both parents to have an advance contact schedule and stick to it for the children’s benefit. That is, you need to encourage the kids to go to their dads when it is that weekend, and it is not his business to interfere in what the kids do within ‘your’ weekend.

However, any talk of supervised contact and a contact centre is, imho, disproportionate and would likely be taken as (it is) a very aggressive and unreasonable approach. Try to take a step back and consider if the current situatuation about their grandparents is just an emotional reaction to the contact withholding over halloween – will it blow over, given some space & time?

It is not clear from your post if contact has mostly been OK until now. If it has, in the long term you should agree a dated schedule so everyone (especially the kids) know where they stand, and where they will be when. Then everyone should work to that. If you can’t do that, then the court will impose one.

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