Facing reality when waking up

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  • #49580 Report

    Panda42
    Participant

    I’m newly separated from my partner of 14 years and 2 children. A few weeks ago he told me that he didn’t want a relationship anymore. It is very obvious that there is someone else but he won’t have the decency to admit it.
    Anyway every morning when I wake (and more often than not it’ll be in the early hours) I have the awful realisation of what I’m going through. Like when you wake from a bad dream and think thank goodness that was only a dream, except this time I wake to remember it is not a dream. I get a pain in my chest and I feel sick. And it’s ten times worse knowing that my ex doesn’t get this feeling. He must get a feeling of excitement when he wakes, thinking of his new partner.
    I then have to use all of my mental strength not to get completely overwhelmed and upset. How can I stop this daily feeling? What should I be thinking to myself? I’m so tired of reliving it every day. Thanks.

    #49582 Report

    sirtobi
    Participant

    Hello Bamboo eater,

    there are a few tricky points in making this work but as a lot of people here can tell you, most of us get used to the new reality over time and some do indeed enjoy it after a while.

    We tend to deem it unfair because it seems to be inflicted upon us by someone who doesn’t deserve to be happier than us. But be safe in the assumption, this is only a brief moment in time. It will level out and you might end up more contempt with your life than your ex partner. So concentrate on how you can change your life to the better. One step every day. Make a plan of your future self, as bold as you can get.

    From a scientific point of view, research has shown, the more you compare yourself with people who are better off than you, the worse we tend to feel. So start comparing your situation to someone who is worse off than you. Makes you feel better instantly.

    Wake up to the facts of life. Life is neither safe nor just. The paralysed in the car accident, the mother of a stillborn, the family in the epicentre of an earthquake. Chance. You might be lucky with your lot.

    Make a diary. This is a point in your life where you can change everything. So go about what you want and where you want to be. Break down the boundaries and invent a new alter ego. Preferably one not living in snowy mountains and doing nothing but looking cute and eating bamboo all day ;-).

    The best thing about it definitely is, you are waking up to your day. Every day. That it is for me now, anyway.

    So yes, life is a candy shop after all.

     

    Have a decent day and a better one tomorrow.

    #49588 Report

    Gummibear123
    Blocked

    Candy gives you toothache.

    But besides for that,he’s right.

    I well remember those days waking up and my stomach hitting the ground as I opened my eyes,it was so depressing but eventually you will find bigger and better things to worry about😅.Nowadays when I wake up im just so surprised sometimes  that I’ve made it through to another day that it puts a different slant on it.So yes def compare yourself to someone worse off….there’s plenty to choose from unfortunately.I hope you feel better soon.

    #49770 Report

    Heartbreak04
    Participant

    Hello, my husband has just left me. He tells me he’s in love and loves another woman ( 8 years younger) we have two young children together. I’m lost, devastated and in total despair.

    I am the same, every morning I wake up and think thank his that was just a nightmare, then it hits me that it wasn’t a bad dream and that this reality is a million times worse. All I think about is how happy he will be and how he will have never felt love like he does for her now. How excited they’ll be planning their new happy, perfect future together. I could be sick all the time.

    #49811 Report

    Panda42
    Participant

    I’m so sorry that you are going through this. It’s so tough, especially during lockdown. My heart still races when I wake and I feel sadness and anger, but I am trying to concentrate on the negative aspects of our relationship, of which there were many. I am still living with my ex for the sake of the children and whenever he gets angry I think, yes, some other woman can put up with that. Maybe not right away because he’ll be trying his hardest not to show his true colours but it won’t be long before he cracks (he could argue with his shadow). I don’t have to put up with his controlling behaviour (as much 🙄). It really does help to think of the negatives. It may be too soon for you to think this way but every day will get a tiny bit easier. Definitely write posts on here when you feel lonely or when looking after your children is getting you down.

    #49994 Report

    Tomato Soup
    Participant

    It WILL get better. I know it doesn’t feel like it at the moment when you are suffering so much heartbreak, anger & anxiety about the future & how to deal with everything. But it’s early days & there’s a lot for you to process. It’s OK to feel like this & it won’t last forever. Just take things one day at a time, one step at a time.
    What helped me was taking the reigns & starting to sort out all the tangible stuff, like making lists of our assets, bills etc & working through the finances. Try to focus on a plan as to what you need & want in that respect, & what’s best for you & the kids. Try to keep looking forward & not back.
    Over two years on for me now, & while I’m still sad & I still have murderous feelings towards a certain other woman, I’ve come to terms with the situation. You will too – it just takes time.xx

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