Hi Betty
I did go through something similar when my marriage broke up 10 years ago.
I did say ‘No’ to facetiming back then as I simply could not cope seeing the man who had walked out on my and the kids beamed into the lounge everyday. It felt as if he has left me and all responsibility … but I was still left with him and unable to grieve and heal.
It is easier now, because the kids are older , have their own phones and face time (or not) with their dad as they wish.
However long distance is an constant issue – for me it is between one end of England and the other. Where does he stay when he comes to visit? Do the kids see their friends as usual when he comes to visit? For a time he booked himself and the kids into a Travel Lodge. But they reached an age when this felt bizarre in their own home town. Then there was a period when he stayed here but that didn’t work. Currently, lock down aside, he books just himself into a Hotel and takes them out for a meal. But its all a bit of a mess. If anyone else has found a good solutions I’d also love to know!!