Ex’s days to have kids

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  • #42784 Report



    Separated at the start of the year. We had an arrangement in place for ex to have kids alternate weekends. Then covid hit and he could work from home but I was a key worker so he’s had them more but as kids return to school in Sep we are going back to normal routine.

    He has now requested to have them alternate weekends and every Wednesday. 

    The children aren’t particularly happy about the extra day which is a separate issue but besides that it would benefit me to have that mid week break.

    However ex seems to think that he can collect them after work which could be 5.30/6.00. Am I unreasonable to think that if he wants a mid week day then ot should be 24 hours? As in it’s his responsibility to collect them from school feed them tea and run around to classes/clubs etc? Other wise it’s basically just them sleeping at his instead of mine? 

    I don’t want to be petty but if he wants that extra day then surely it should be the full day… I have to do school runs and after school activities every other day. 

    Ex is in a job where he has flexi time so could go in early a couple of mornings to allow him to finish early and also since covid he would be able to work from home after picking them up from school for a couple of hours.

    #42792 Report


    I have this problem, we have a court order and my ex get’s every other weekend and every tuesday/wednesday night.  However I work 9-3 and he works until 5 so i’m faced with still having to pick the kids up from school on a tuesday and wednesday as it’s either that or the kids are stuck in school club for 2.5 hrs.  He feels his job is more important than mine and he can’t possibly make alternative arrangements like get his mum to pick them up.  I was intending to increase my hours on those two days but now i can’t, the judge felt his job was more important than mine (his words) so unless i go back to court and look petty i’m stuck with it.    I agree with you though or basically he’s just got to put the kids to bed.

    #42806 Report


    God that’s frustrating… I just see it as a day should count as 24 hrs or near enough. If I had been pushing for him to have the extra day then maybe he would have a point but as its him that wants it I feel it should be his responsibility. Even as far as if one of the kids was taken ill at school that day it should be him that picks them up.  I work half day on a Wed but that may not always be the case. He just sees it as me being petty but I see it as him actually fulfilling a full parent role, not just opting in for the easier bits so he can say look I have my kids X number of nights.

    #42823 Report


    Just a question. Is there no after school club available for the kids? And my thoughts were a little bit like is it about how to make life difficult or is it about sharing as much as we can to give them access to both parents? Working from home with kids is more than difficult as a lot of people can tell you. If it is one night more they can have with their dad and he is willing and able I guess it is a win for the children. Btw. I always picked them up from school when they were ill because I work nearer and they wouldn’t have to wait that long. Regardless of who’s day it was. Who wouldn’t.

    #42833 Report


    But they don’t want to go. And that’s not come from me. They are 9 and 11 and no bother at all when he’s working from home. They wouldn’t dare disturb him. But when they would rather not go it’s not a win for the kids it’s just casung more hassle when I’ve still got to do all the running around and I feel like he’s picking and choosing the easiest bits of being a parent. When I’m already happy to do the majority of it.

    #42886 Report


    I have been having this argument for 2 years now. I work part time and finish at 3pm so I can do the school run. Work have always said I can work a longer day and god knows I could do with the money! However, like you, Dad says he will pick her up from home at 5.30pm. I know this is supposed to be about contact with his daughter but it still allows him to work full-time and me only part-time. Sheer frustration from me and a lack of understanding from him.

    A friend suggested that I charge him for 2.5hrs childcare if he is unable to do the school run!

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