Ex’s comments to daughter – not improved and now daughter wont see him
7 December 2020 at 7:12 pm #46736
I posted sometime ago regarding my ex’s emotional and somewhat verbal abuse towards my 7 year old and I am on here again because things have not improved. I really need advice to what to do next. I’m planning on ringing the helpline but wanted to see if anyone had been through something similar?
I’ve emailed my ex time and time again over the comments and things he has said to our daughter and they did stop for a week or so only to start up again. Examples include calling her lazy, tell her that ‘she is turning into someone he hates’ (ie me), she is on the naughty list and wont get any presents from santa this year….the list goes on.
About a month ago I decided to write to my ex’s mum explaining it all, how much my daughter was upset and how this is affecting her mental state. I asked her to have a word with her son (because she’s basically a last resort, he wont listen to anyone else) and I didn’t threaten but suggested that if things didn’t get any better, if my daughter continued to come home upset with the verbal abuse he aims towards her (with my 3 year old son overhearing I might add), then I would insist that he no longer sees the children until he can stop. I am prepared to go to court/be taken to court over this as I have for over a year now written down everything and documented every single word and action by him. Just to add I received no response from ex MIL and I’ve no idea if she told him about it or showed him. If she did say anything then it has fallen on very deaf ears as he has continued with the abuse.
Last week my daughter came home yet again upset over comments he had said to her and refused to see him on the following Saturday. I therefore wrote him an email on the Friday evening – he wont talk to me in person or even look at me, explaining that he had upset our daughter yet again and that she did not want to go out with him the next day. I also mentioned how I was concerned with my son overhearing the things he says to her (and often nasty things about my family too) and so would be keeping my son home as he would not go without his older sister anyway.
He immediately sent me a text ordering me (one of the things he feels he has the right to do to women) to send out the children at the usual time (again, wont come to the door! Has to wait in the car) to which I didn’t reply as I felt I had explained it all in the email.
He turned up the Saturday morning, beeping his horn expecting the kids to go out. I went upstairs with them both so that they didn’t see or hear anything in case he decided to get out and create. He waited 20 mins, ringing my phone and leaving messages but I didn’t answer. He then drove away. All the while I felt intimidated and uneasy.
He sent me an email a few hours later calling me spiteful and demanding to know why I am using the children against him and why I took it upon myself to stop him seeing them. I was extremely upset not to mention frustrated and sick to death of repeating myself. I haven’t answered him as I just feel like I am going around in circles. My daughter has again voiced that she has no interest in seeing him this week and I am reluctant to send my 3 year old out as I don’t want him to be around all the negative and nasty comments my ex obviously cant keep to himself.
Does anyone have any advice to my next move? Am I over reacting with this? Am I right in calling it abuse? This has been going on over a year and I so tired of it, he wont listen and is totally oblivious to the damage he is causing our children. I broke it off with him and asked him to leave as he was verbally and emotionally abusive towards me but he has sadly transferred all the abuse onto my daughter and I fear it will only get worse…
Thank you all