Experiences of mediation?

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  • #51861 Report

    T-Dizzle
    Participant

    Hi,

    A bit of background. My ex and i separated a year ago and have one daughter who has just turned 3.

    I (dad) have been primarily responsible for organising nursery etc and have had the majority of the time. My ex (mum) has cancelled and changed plans quite frequently, had a few months paying nothing towards childcare and generally been pretty difficult and at times overtly nasty to me. Throughout i feel i have acted reasonably, tried to give her fair contact and  only communicate about childcare.

    Our basic schedule is that she looks after our daughter Monday and Tuesday night and then every other weekend. This has worked OK, and although she still cancels from time-to-time i have been able to deal with this.

    She is now changing jobs and says midweek will be difficult for her so she wants the majority of the weekends. I have said “no” because i feel weekends need to be 50/50. She has flippantly said we need to go to mediation.

    I was initially scared of mediation, but i wonder whether actually it would be helpful. I wonder whether perhaps i have been overly-generous with her contact and whether actually she should just have every other weekend and half holidays given her unreliability etc. Possibly mediation might set a formal plan that avoids the need to keep communicating about changing plans week-to-week and receiving nasty messages which gets quite draining.

    What are people’s experiences of mediation? Do you think it could be helpful to my situation?

    Thank you

     

     

    #51865 Report

    Anon321
    Participant

    In all honesty I didn’t find mediation helpful at all, I compromised but my ex wouldn’t. But I would say it depends on the two parties involved to be honest.

    #51867 Report

    T-Dizzle
    Participant

    hi @anon321 thanks for your reply. I’m sorry you didn’t find it helpful. Where does that leave you now? Presumably you were not obligated to agree anything you didnt think was fair? Are you now a step closer to court? I feel like i would welcome the chance to get closer to a formal agreement she cannot keep breaching

    #51868 Report

    Anon321
    Participant

    I wasn’t obligated to agree anything I didn’t think was fair. Afterwards I basically gave ex the option…..agree to the offer that I’d compromised on and he hadn’t, or take me to court. He decided to agree the offer and not go to court.

    #51870 Report

    warwickshire1
    Blocked

    Hi, If your ex is unable to do midweek contact then i am afraid she misses out seeing children. She will just have to see them every other weekend. A family court cant order a non resident parent to have more than 2 weekends a month unless by consent by yourself. Its classed as quality time and is normally split between separated parents.

    If she is wanting more than every other weekend  ie 3 weekends out of 4 then mediation isnt going to resolve the issue.

    #51872 Report

    T-Dizzle
    Participant

    Thanks warwickshire1. That’s useful to know that my position is justifiable. Mediation may still be helpful if the mediator can make the point to her that she cannot have more than 2 weekends in 4.

    #51929 Report

    Peachy
    Participant

    Hello,

    I don’t have any experience of mediation but i just wanted to say that by you agreeing to go to mediation,  will show that you are willing to listen and see if an arrangement can be made.  If anything further happens,  ie court,  then at least you have shown willing  to work out a plan as it’s in the interest of your daughter. Hopefully you’ll never have to experience court.

    I<span style=”text-align: center;”> do agree with Warwickshire in that your ex loses out if she cannot do mid week. You need weekend time as much as your ex does,  for farm /play dates and daddy daughter time. </span>

    Good luck with it all

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