exhausted, depressed, no hope
17 June 2020 at 11:05 am #41204
I was so thrilled to have my daughter at the age of 43. My last chance of family, and blessings it happened naturally. I had to compromise about my partner, but I had a good job and a mortgage in my own name, so I wasn’t too worried. Horror of horrors, he turned out to be an abuser….I won’t go into the terrible details, but years after the final expulsion from our lives, and a court case that caused me to have a nervous breakdown and ptsd, I now am left energyless, exhausted and severely depressed (I took medication for years but it didn’t work long-term) As a much older mum, there has never been family support, my parents and two of my brothers are dead, the others have their own significant problems, and that goes for my friends, they are exhausted and just getting their kids off their hands. I have coped completely alone for 10 years. My daughter couldn’t cope with school, so I home schooled. From some-one who was out all the time, I haven’t been out in 10 years. I used to be so fit, full of life, and incredibly young for my age…..I have aged 20 years in the last 10 years. I don’t want another partner, I can’t even bare to think about intimacy after what he was doing. My friends mostly have partners, and whatever they think their problems are, they are nothing compared to mine. My single parent friends are much younger and have mothers and/or sisters, or some fam that at least care a bit, and they have the chance to find love again. I used to try finding groups to get involved with, but every-thing has been in the evening or weekends that makes it impossible. Now I haven’t even got the energy to try. Talking to you guys is my last hope. Thank you listening.17 June 2020 at 1:17 pm #41208
I hear you, sounds exhausting!
I have spent the last year since my son was born with zero energy, depressed, anxiety attacks whenever I left the house. The Covid situation is definately making things worse in one respect but better in another.
I have been doing Cognitive behaviour Therapy with my local wellbeing service. Had to be referred by my gp but its definately helping only 2 sessions in.
It’s all too easy to wrap yourself in your own cocoon.18 June 2020 at 11:45 pm #41266
hi my lovely
I had my son aged 39 – he is three now
My ex was extremely abusive (massive steroid use) and I had to escape the country we lived in 8 months pregnant as I was in fear for my life.
I spent the next year trying to make it work – he came here and I went there a couple of times and it was not good.
I finally feel like I am coming out the fog – I completely shut down to everything and everyone just to be able to care for my son – I also feel I wasn’t connected as much as I should because of this (getting there now). I found a therapist after trying for 3 years to get one via my gp etc and have to pay £70 each time, which is a lot for me to find but its made a massive difference. I have PTSD which makes sense but I’m high functioning.
The worst thing is now Im processing things – lots of feelings are pouring out that I have been holding onto.
I have also started a natural ketosis heathy eating plan which has dramatically improved my energy levels – crazy amounts.
I’m a singer and didn’t gig for two years as I couldn’t deal with going out or seeing people and I was still living in the aftermath of his control.
I’ve started to now (before lockdown) its hard as I have to find childcare and my parents are old so get very tired so I always feel guilty – I get angry that I haven’t got a supportive husband and the fact he lives else where means I’m doing this totally alone, I love with my brother at the moment but he suffers from severe anxiety so doesn’t help with my son, he is also very OCD and I have to make sure we don’t aggravate him – which is hard with a toddler 🙁
so if you need a chat or help with anything please say – I totally understand where you are coming from – 10 years is too long to be doing this and feeling like this – have you got access to therapy?