Ex won’t let my son spend more time with me even though he asks

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  • #39913 Report

    Harry Potter

    Hi All, just after some advice from anyone with similar experiences

    I went to court to get an order as ex was messing around with time the children spend with me during school holidays, which was upsetting for them.

    Court order means they spend Fr-Sun with me then Weds/Thurs, then I don’t see them for 7 nights.

    My son, who is 7 has told his mum he wants to spend more time with me, but she just says no to him and he has actually asked me today why is it mum wants us more than you, which is a pretty tough question to answer when it’s not my choice.

    Any thoughts on how to help him, or get him more time that he wants? Appreciate he is only young.

    #39914 Report


    Thats a tricky one. Youve got access granted by a court which is great. But your ex is under no obligation to allow more access than the court has granted. You technically need to go back to court to get any changes made to an access order. Do you have video calls etc with your child during the 7 days you dont have physical custody? If not might be worth trying to arrange to set some form of video call up to make it easier to deal with the period of seperation. And obviously you need to speak to your child and explain that he is very much loved by both his parents and that although you unfortunately cant spend as much time with him at the moment, you are always thinking of him, you miss him when you dont see him and you really look forward to your visits with him. But at the end of the day if your ex doesnt wish to extend the current visitation then your only option would be court and it would be up to a judge to decide whether they felt it was in the childs best interest to make adjustments to the order or not. But youve got the standard kind of access that is usually granted so I dont know whether a judge would be willing to make adjustments. You cant have them every weekend as they need weekends with their mum and other family too. 50/50 would be the next option but you need to consider whether this is practical and whether it really would be in the best interest of the kids and then it is still up to a judge at the end of the day. Hope this helps

    #40088 Report

    Harry Potter

    Hi, thanks for your reply, it is very welcome.

    I do get FaceTime calls from them when they aren’t with me, and reciprocate that to my ex. However at their young ages getting much sense out of FaceTime is quite hard as they are easily distracted.

    to add to what I said original, my son actually said to me why does mummy want us more than you do, which I had to explain to him that wasn’t true.

    I’m really just looking to break up the week that they don’t see me for as it’d too long for them and on FaceTime they are asking to come to my house after a few days away. I could do 50/50 but know that is a a tall ask for a court to award and that this is far from usual. However it does sadden me that some parents have no problem making 50/50 arrangements work but that others will not even consider this.


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