Ex won't give my child medicine

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This topic contains 10 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  mummygaga 1 year ago.

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  • #18978 Report

    mummygaga
    Participant

    Hi

    My son suffers from constipation and has been given medicine by the doctor. He has been for two visits to his father’s since having the medicine prescribed and on both occasions, I have supplied the medicine but his father has not given it to him.

    Is there anything I can do about this?

    #18995 Report

    mummygaga
    Participant

    The issues have been going on since before we split. He was never particularly involved then, preferring to get angry with our son than do anything constructive. I did all the research, all the doctors appointments etc. He grudgingly went along with things that I was trying whilst making me feel that I was being neurotic.

    It took years but we’d finally got it sorted through a mixture of medication and diet until about a month ago when it came back. I’m trying medication to kick start recovery with medication from the doctor to compliment the dietary changes that we already use.

    My ex has the kids once a fortnight for the weekend and doesn’t bother to follow any of the things I am trying to do and so the progress we make keeps getting knocked back. It’s so frustrating.

    #19002 Report

    mummygaga
    Participant

    My son is 8. He knows the protocol with the medication but he doesn’t always remember or feel able to stand up to his dad. My ex just says to him that he doesn’t need it because things are fine when he’s there. He doesn’t get that things are only fine because we’ve had two weeks of doing things right which are making a difference but then a weekend of not doing it sets everything back again.

    The relationship with my ex is very tricky, he’s abusive and threatening if I disagree with him or challenge him on anything and he purposefully ignores my attempts to communicate about the kids. He says bad things about me to the kids and has no understanding that they have needs or wants of their own. Everything has to be his way or he gets angry.

    #19077 Report

    Hi YMwsPws

    I’m glad to see you are using the forum to share your experiences and gain support.  I am emailing you some additional signposting which may be useful.

    Take care

    Justine

    #19095 Report

    Trip85
    Participant

    I can certainly empathise with this difficult situation. I have only recently left an abusive relationship like this. He is not as overtly abusive as this (refusing to acknowledge he needs this medication etc), as he plays the victim, gaslights and wants to appear to be a perfect dad, but he has recently lied to me about being in a car accident with him in the car, won’t keep track of his meals for me to inform doctors, and ignores my requests regarding food, drink etc.

    It’s awful that he is continuing to be abusive to you like this. Do you have support from women’s aid etc for specific advice? I can’t advise yet as still going through how to resolve these sorts of issues, but I would certainly highlight this to his doctor etc and seek support, particularly if it is affecting your son’s health. Can your son take the medication even if his dad says no or does ge confiscate it? If your son is in charge of it completely you might not even need to mention it to his dad anymore- he just keeps it in his bag and takes it himself. Or would that backfire? The more you keep helping the kids to be independent and resilient despite dad’s behaviour it should help them to deal with it whilst relying on you only for their care, the less he can control you all.

    I hope things can get better. This situation is not acceptable for any of you.

    #19096 Report

    mummygaga
    Participant

    Thanks everyone.

    I had given the medicine to my ex with instructions from the doctor about when to give it. The first time he sent it back. The second time he just kept it.

    I’ve talked to my son about him taking responsibility for taking the medicine but he seems reluctant. It has to be mixed in with a drink so I guess he would have to do it with his dad’s knowledge so maybe that’s difficult. He’s also very embarrassed about the problem because the constipation causes soiling and wetting so spends most of his time trying to deny the problem anyway.

    My ex picks them up from school on Friday and drops them back on Monday and as my son is supposed to take 2-4 sachets a day, it’s not possible to dose him up before a visit.

    I emailed him politely asking why he wasn’t giving the medicine and explaining why It’s important to manage the condition and attaching some info from Eric.org.uk. I got a reply back telling me it’s all in my mind, accusing me of having munchausens by proxy and also saying it’s my son’s fault for eating too much and being overweight! Pure gaslighting.

    I spoke to womens aid when we were going through the divorce. They agreed he was abusive but because he’s not violent, they couldn’t suggest much – all his threats are related to money or that he will fight me for some custody of the children (even though he only sees them once a fortnight and doesn’t bother with them the rest of the time). He let’s himself into the house and takes things and threatens to take me to court any time I disagree with him on anything.

    My solicitor wrote him letters asking him to stop but he just ignores them. I could get a non molestation order but that would cost about £6000 which I don’t have.

    I could report him to the police for harassment but that would really up the ante and I’m reluctant to do that whilst I still live in a house he has access to. Also worried about how that would be for the children.

    #19115 Report

    mummygaga
    Participant

    He was only prescribed it a week before the end of term. Doctor said to start with 2 sachets and go up to four if necessary. We did one at the beginning  and one at the end of the day so it was ok. Trying to get him cleared out this week so we can go back to two when he’s back at school but if we can’t I’ll have to talk to the school about how we manage it.

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