Ex wife wants to move
24 June 2018 at 9:07 am #12532
<div class=”r7″ style=”-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; border-top-left-radius: 7px; border-top-right-radius: 7px; border-bottom-right-radius: 7px; border-bottom-left-radius: 7px; font-family: ‘Gill Sans’, ‘Gill Sans MT’, Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 19.200000762939453px; border: 1px solid #cccccc; margin-bottom: 10px; padding: 10px; margin-left: 0px; clear: both;”>My ex wife re married 6 years ago. Although we had joint custody. Our son has always lived with her and I see my son one night a week. And my own admission I have hardly helped with school holidays maybe a total of 6 weeks over the 8 years we have been spilt. Her husband is in the armed forces and she wants to move 150 miles away to be near his base. She has a school and house lined up. And she had told me that our son who is 13 is happy about the move and wants to go. I’m not willing to consent so we have to go to court to sort it I believe . She has offered me access of 2 weekends a month and she has offered to drive half way to meet me one weekend a month and the other she will drive most of the way I will have travel 12 miles on that occasion. She has also offered half of the school hols which I have never done before . What are my chances of stopping</div>
<div class=”r7″ style=”-webkit-text-size-adjust: auto; border-top-left-radius: 7px; border-top-right-radius: 7px; border-bottom-right-radius: 7px; border-bottom-left-radius: 7px; font-family: ‘Gill Sans’, ‘Gill Sans MT’, Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 19.200000762939453px; border: 1px solid #cccccc; margin-bottom: 10px; padding: 10px; margin-left: 0px; background-color: #dcf5fd; clear: both;”></div>24 June 2018 at 10:51 am #12534
Zero.24 June 2018 at 11:04 am #12535
If you only see your son one night a week then it sounds like her offer is that you see your son more than you currently do. Two weekends a month and half of the school holidays is very reasonable, plus she’s offered to share the travelling. I don’t see what the problem is. What will you argue in court?24 June 2018 at 11:19 am #12536
I was going to argue about our sons stability and how changing school won’t be good for him . And if she insists of trying to move I want our son full time . But she’s already crossed filed papers already and she refused to mediate as her solicitor has told her its not something she can mediate as she wants to move and I don’t want her too. I’ve not done as much as I could have since we spilt . But wanted to try and do more . But looks like I’ve left to late24 June 2018 at 11:41 am #12538
She’s allowed to move providing there’s not a safeguarding issue for the child’s mental or physical health. The child wants to move, you can be sure they have a good new school, they are not prevented from having contact with you – more generous than you have now, and by your own admission, you’ve wasted your previous access potential anyway. Her solicitor is right about mediation in this case because she has made you a better offer than you currently have and you are simply saying you want to forbid any change for no real reason. It’s you who won’t negotiate. You don’t have to go to court, you could negotiate (though you’ve already been offered MORE than you have) and if you go to court, she will win and you will lose money unnecessarily. Being a father means putting your child first. Ok, you say you haven’t always done your best, but that can change that at any time you want to. Pick up the phone, be nice, be supportive, and make better use of the access you do have. That’s what is best for your child, that’s what your child would prefer, and the court will see that immediately. You haven’t left it too late to challenge, there is nothing to challenge. You haven’t left it too late to change your stance, you can change… wait a second… right now. Go!25 June 2018 at 8:08 am #12554
Please talk to your ex wife and come to an amicable agreement, as written above you are going to waste money going to court and solicitors when you could sit down and sort this out for free.
from what you are saying she is being reasonable with what she is offering and there is a likelihood you could lose out more. You say your son is happy with the move and that should be your primary concern. It’s also getting close to the time when he will need to make decisions about subjects he wants to take for GCSEs so allowing him to settle than drawing this out feels better for him.
You haven’t left it too late and you can start doing more today if you want to. Pick up the phone today tell her you want to support your son and her and ask how you can help. It sounds like you will be getting more time so I would be thinking about how you spend that time and saving for days out etc than wasting money on fees. I’m not sure whether you are trying to do more through taking this to court but there is another way.
I’m sure she wouldn’t have come to this decision lightly and seems to have thought a lot about how you can maintain a relationship with your son, that doesn’t sound like the actions of someone unreasonable so there’s every possibility to come to an arrangement that works for everyone’s best interests.
Its really hard when you are the only parent juggling school holidays and other decisions, she will be grateful of your help. And you will get some quality time with your son.
Please pick up the phone and resolve this, please don’t feel you’ve left it too late, please do something today to change the situation.1 July 2018 at 5:02 pm #12831
Well I filed papers got a court date . I’ve filed to have sole custody and if that fails to stop the move . My son is now refusing to take my calls or see me. My ex mother in law text me to tell me my son is scared of telling me he wants to move and is upset I’m taking his mum to court she says he wants to move I refuse to believe that . She has crossed filed papers to move, residents order and visiting order . Worried about the outcome now !1 July 2018 at 6:02 pm #12832
You should be – you should never have taken it this far. You’ll never get sole custody or stop the move and make your child hate you and the court think you’re an idiot. Why ask for advice if you’re never going to listen? Drop the case now and start to talk amicably with your ex.1 July 2018 at 6:07 pm #12834
This post must be made up, it must be. I can’t believe anyone would act so selfishly.
I feel so sorry for your son by your own admission you haven’t done enough for him and yet you file for sole custody? I’m sorry to tell you this but there is no way you will get that. At 13 he is old enough to know his own mind and if he wants to move or not. If he’s not speaking to you does that not show you how much he is hurting and what he feels you are doing to his mum? Sadly despite all the posts here you’ve chosen a route that will probably see you losing out considerably and hurt him even more.1 July 2018 at 6:20 pm #12835
I felt so desperate to stop the move . I wanted to start to do more now I feel I’ve sorted my life out . The spilt hit me hard and I never got over loosing them both even though I left .1 July 2018 at 6:28 pm #12836
And thats a reason to hurt your son even more? He has to hurt because you were going to change?
Reread the replies to your original post, Empty summed it up perfectly.
What happens if they move anyway and youve now done irrevisable damage to your relationship with your son?
Im sorry to break it to you many of us are hurt by break ups we just chose not to take it out on our children. You know the innocent ones in every break up8 July 2018 at 10:22 am #13088
Well after 2 weeks of my son refusing to see me. His mum got him to speak to me at parents evening even though he didn’t want me there . He told me he wants to move and give it a go. But he said he feels he can’t get excited about it because of me. I know if I go ahead with the court case cafcass will speak to my son! Spent an hour on the phone to the ex wife on weds night and she pointed out a few painful Home truths like how I haven’t been there . And how I hated my mum for taking my dad to court . My mum lost as she walked out without me and my sister when she left . She proceed to tell me the dates I’ve actually had our son for hols and it’s not a lot ! But I said she never asked me to have him over hols but she pointed out she shouldn’t have to ask me to have my own son! I still don’t think the move is right for him because what after this posting her husband moves again after the 3 years . I worry my son will have no friends8 July 2018 at 10:24 am #13089
You’re just being selfish. You acknowledge your child wants it to happen and you’re making him unhappy. Your ex is trying to be reasonable with you. You know CAFCASS will laugh you out of court. You still can’t see you’re being selfish. That’s exactly what’s so selfish about your behaviour.10 July 2018 at 6:57 am #13151
Well after another late night call on Sunday to my ex. I’ve decided to stop the court case and let them go! Her solicitor is asking for it in righting and applying for something else before the hearing that is due. However both me and ex don’t even want go court anymore and just want to sort ourselves she’s always been more than fair with our son and has never stopped my seeing him so I see no reason why she would now and why do still have to go to court . ??10 July 2018 at 10:31 am #13157
You don’t – put it in writing as you’ve been told then drop the case.