Ex was abusive and he’s not changed – help

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  • #59823 Report


    Hi, I’m a single mum to 2 sons be is 5 and the other 6, my ex, their dad was emotionally and verbally abusive towards me for years. I finally got out a couple of years ago and have been trying to move on ever since.  We’ve had a court order in place for the last year, initially communication between ourselves was through an app (our family wizard) but he started to be abusive towards me again and incredibly difficult with plans for the children, whenever I would suggest a time and place he would always change it and then have a go at me for not sorting it sooner. About 6 months ago I spoke to the police and my solicitor about it and they suggested i use a third party, so that’s what I did, I explained that from that point onward he would no longer be talking to me it would always be one of four people. He hated it. He’s caused all kinds of problems for them, but nothing they couldn’t handle. A few weeks ago I received an email from him personally telling me he was no longer paying for the app and now that third parties were out of the way he could speak to me properly. I asked that third parties email him and explain that we were going to continue as usual with third parties. They set up a dedicated email address especially for communication about the children and nothing else. He has ignored every email. He was due to have the children for the weekend and third parties wanted to ensure he could reach them in an emergency so they sent him a text message. He immediately rang one of them, my sister in law, and he was screaming down the phone calling her a c**t several times and telling her she wasn’t qualified to have anything to do with “his children” as he believes she can’t even look after her own child as she is a single parent too. He was incredibly abusive and he threatened to go to her house to “get her”. Of course she called the police and is waiting to hear back.
    since then he has continued to send me emails that I’m currently ignoring. I’ve explained to him and third parties have explained to him that I don’t want him emailing me or messaging me or calling me in any way. Police keep telling me that they can’t do anything as he doesn’t swear directly at me. And my solicitor keeps telling me that they can’t do anything yet, that he’s broke the court order on several occasions but that it’s not enough times for them to be able to take him back to court. The children have come back on more than one occasion after spending the weekend with dad saying “mummy is sick in the head” and that’s not enough as the children aren’t old enough to speak up. I’m so stuck. And I don’t know what I’m supposed to do next. I feel like I’m alone in all this and that he’s getting away with things that I would never get away with in a million years.

    I just need some advice on what I could possibly do next. Anything will be greatly appreciated.

    sorry it’s so long, it’s not even the half of it, it’s been a tough few years.


    #59833 Report


    I’m sorry you’re going through such a rough time. I have been in receipt of a different kind of abuse, but my partner has had similar whilst in the previous relationship. Luckily for her, the third party only communication continues, but the child has come back on occasion to say things like “mummy uses me as a weapon” without knowing what it actually means!

    Personally, I would like to set the third party only communication for myself but not sure how to go about doing this as I couldn’t afford a lawyer etc & still not sure if that time is right yet and conflicted. The type of situation you are referring to is also a worry as you’d like to think that a breach in the order would be enough!!!

    Definitely ask your solicitor on how much needs to happen and, if this were a daily thing, how soon before you can return to the courts! Unfortunately, fortune seems to favour the wrong….if only to shut them up! I’d like to hear their thoughts on it

    #59843 Report


    Hi GemGem15, I’m one of the moderators on the forum and saw your post. Please look out for a direct message from me with some ideas for support.

    best wishes, Helen

    #59849 Report


    @GemGem15 So sorry about your present situation. In my opinion, I think it is your solicitor you need to communicate with as to the subject matter, You need to ask them for long such issues can last for before that would warrant you returning to the Courts, It is really so sad as it is and I wish you all the courage you need to sail this through.




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