Ex wants to take 20 month old 14 day holiday away from Mum (primary carer)
27 January 2020 at 12:59 pm #36158
Me and my ex broke up last January, she lives primarily with me, sees him every other weekend and some week days. This have been quite turbulent and last year lawyers and mediators were involved – things have finally calmed a little, however I just sent him the calendar for the next 6 months and he’s sent back with a holiday of 14 nights.
My daughter has never been away from me for longer than 2 nights and although I’m happy for him to take her on holiday, feel it is far too much for take her for so long while she is so young.
I was wondering if anyone had experienced a similar situation? My ex is quite intimidating and I’m fearful of rocking the boat however I think it’s too much for her at such a young age and need to communicate this to him. Would you agree?
Any thoughts are welcomed!27 January 2020 at 1:17 pm #36159
Way too long! Just my pennies worth but at that young age its very long to be away from mum for.27 January 2020 at 2:17 pm #36161
Thankyou for your response, I also think so but fearful of saying this to him.27 January 2020 at 6:38 pm #36173
Yes, too long.
Has he ever looked after her on his own for more than a weekend.
Can you compromise and suggest a long weekend? Or a week? Also point out two weeks on holiday with a toddler is hard work, especially if she doesn’t like the food, or the heat. Not being able to have more than one drink etc. He might not enjoy it much either.28 January 2020 at 10:59 am #36201
Thanks for your advice – he has never had her for longer than a weekend and is always with someone when he has her (mother/sister/friend)
I spoke with him last night and compromised to a week however he wasn’t happy as he wants to take her on a long haul flight and says 7 days in’t long enough for the holiday he has planned.. i calmly said that maybe he should plan this holiday for when she’s a bit older and go somewhere different this year.. He said he would get back to me.
I’m struggling so much with all of this, he makes me feel like I’m doing something wrong when I’m just trying to keep her settled..
How do you cope!? I hope it gets easier..28 January 2020 at 1:05 pm #36204
Your doing nothing wrong. A 20 month old is little more than a baby and will miss mum madly if away for 2 weeks. Ive been on holiday (in the uk) with my children and we took an 8 year old relative who was homesick after a few days. Repeated another time with a friend of my daughters and she felt homesick after 4 days. These were just a weeks holiday in Weymouth !28 January 2020 at 1:40 pm #36205
Thanks again for your assurance – I also checked with her childminder who also agreed it was too long.. the only person not seeing that is him 🙁
Im fearful of having to navigate coparenting with him, as he has tunnel vision to his own needs and anything I may challenge in her best interests, I get accused of being unfair or keeping her from him, which is not at all that I’m doing, I’m just trying to keep her settled through all the mess..
I wish things could be a bit easier, feeling very stressed out!31 January 2020 at 11:34 pm #36297
Your ex sounds a lot like mine! Self absorbed and only wanting what he wants for himself rather than for the benefit of the child.
2 weeks is way too long, you have to put your foot down on this if you feel it’s not in your child’s best interest. I may be wrong but I was under the impression that if a child is to be taken out of the country both parents have to agree? Might be worth researching this because legally it may not be allowed anyway. (I am unsure though!)
at the end of the day you’re the primary carer. Nobody knows your child better than you and if you feel 2 weeks is too long, or even 1 week is too long then you need to be your little ones advocate.
Hope you are ok xx