Ex wanting to take our 2 week old baby overnight

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  • #57085 Report

    Her91
    Participant

    I know this isn’t professional advice but has anybody been through anything similar?

    I had a beautiful little boy on the 18th of this month. Me and his Dad split before he was born.

    He wasn’t really involved through the pregnancy apart from coming to the scans. He’d come over to see me but actively avoided talking about the baby. He was at the birth and I have to say he was brilliant the whole time and really helped me get through it. But since the birth of our Son everything has changed.

    He stayed at my house for the first week when we came out of hospital and it was awful. He didn’t help with the baby at all. Mainly he just sat on the sofa on his phone and took pictures to send to people. After 3 days I said that he needed to take a turn doing the night feeds because I was exhausted. He didn’t in the end because earlier on in the evening I caught him shouting while holding g out crying son “f*cking shut up” repeatedly and then he called him a “f*cking D*ckhead”. I took the baby off of him and asked him why he was doing that. He’s just a baby and he had wind. He shouted at me that he didn’t want another f*ing child and stormed off upstairs for the rest of the night. Didn’t talk to me until midday the next day. I slept on the sofa with the baby in his moses basket.

    Obviously I asked him to leave and now he’s demanding that I let him have our son 2 weekends in a row Friday until Sunday and two nights in the week at his house.

    I’ve currently told him I don’t want him alone with our son as the idea scares me and that there’s no way he’ll be having him overnight until at least 6 months, if that.

    Now he’s threatening to take me to court and accused me of abusing his older child (I’ve never laid a hand on him I just told him off for hitting people all the time as his Dad wouldn’t and he kept hurting my older son)

    I honestly have no idea what to do

    #57090 Report

    Wavy18
    Participant

    I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. Sounds awful. If anyone shouted like that at my newborn baby I honestly wouldn’t have them anywhere near them! Not even at 6 months! All visits would be supervised! He doesn’t sound like he can be trusted with a baby! What if next time he shakes him? I say call his bluff, let him go to court, doesn’t sound like he’d get very far.

    #57093 Report

    Her91
    Participant

    That’s what I was scared of. If something happened I’d never forgive myself. But if I stop contact does that not look bad on me?

    #57100 Report

    Star21
    Participant

    I am so sorry you are going through this.

    I have been going through a similar situation, it’s important to keep a record of everything that he does with dates and times,photos/video ring your health visitor and explain what has happened then it will all be logged.
    As he is being aggressive it is a safe guarding issue you have every right to stop contact as it is unsafe. you could offer a FaceTime instead as this is a form of contact.
    tell him to take you to court with his behaviour it will likely be supervised visits.

    stay strong.

    #57103 Report

    Her91
    Participant

    I did tell my health visitor and now she’s made a referral to social services 😔

    I don’t have videos but he has admitted to shouting in his face in messages and blamed me because I put him in a bad mood just being around.

    Is there any chance he will get overnights when he takes me to court?

    #57114 Report

    Star21
    Participant

    Make sure you keep all the texts as evidence.

    That’s good you are in contact with your health visitor and she has made a referral to social services they will take it seriously.

    Don’t worry about overnights with him being aggressive to your little one he won’t get them, it will likely be supervised visits if you don’t feel comfortable supervising visits it would be at a contact centre.
    I found speaking to child law very helpful and it’s free to talk to them.

    #57136 Report

    Hi Her91

    Thank you for posting on our forum.  I’m sorry you are going through this.  I will be sending you a private message with some signposting options.

    Kind regards, Justine

    #57159 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    hi,

    sounds like he is being unreasonable and clueless about a new born child’s needs. It’s highly unlikely that court will give him overnights, probably not for 1-2 years. and because of his behaviour, they may order him to take some kind of parenting classes.

    #57333 Report

    Her91
    Participant

    Update:

    He turned up unannounced and pushed his way into my house this morning. I used the HollieGuard app to get my friend to call the police. He kept saying he was taking our son out without me, I told him no he wasn’t repeatedly and he wouldn’t listen. He went round my house taking nappies, wipes, bottles, milk and clothes. Emptied my changing bag and put it all in there and tried to take my buggy while I was waiting for the police. Then tried to take our son from my arms but I didn’t let him go.

    When the police arrived they told him he had to wait until the assessment was complete and told him to leave but said they had to put safeguarding in place and called the Social Services EDT to let them know what was happening. They’re coming round on Monday.

    Does anyone know what I should expect? I’m scared they’ll blame me for not keeping him away.

    #57335 Report

    steve3334
    Participant

    hi,

    that must have been a horrible experience. What he has done is absolutely ridiculous. By trying to abduct the child, I can only imagine from view of family court, this is a major setback for him. they will make it increasingly difficult for him to have contact with the child, if any.

    • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by steve3334.
    • This reply was modified 1 month, 2 weeks ago by steve3334.
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