Ex trying to take 11 month old 4 hours away

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  • #60231 Report


    Hi, my little boys dad is saying he wants to take him to Wales every weekend and have access there. We currently live in the midlands.


    We were in a relationship he had a mental breakdown which resulted in me having to call the police who escorted him to hospital as he was self harming. The relationship broke down and since he has been accused of rape (arrested kept overnight questioned swabbed etc and bailed). CPS did not take the case. During this time I stopped access but once they said they weren’t going further I had to resume it. He had supervised access because of his mental health (he has BPD and ADHD and isn’t on a stable medication yet and he hears voices that tell him to kill himself). And is now allowed unsupervised, however I won’t have him at the house alone due to his behaviour towards me.

    Since then he hasnt been the nicest to me, bullying me and threatening suicide. And has harassed me and in my opinion stalked me.

    Every Saturday he has his son 8am-12 noon, and every week I offer him to have his son for longer and he always says no because he’s going off to see his new friends in Wales. He doesn’t have any friends around here as they have all chosen to believe the girl that accused him of rape as they know her too.

    Now he’s saying it’s me that’s stopping him from seeing his son as I won’t let him take him to Wales (4 hour trip each way).

    When I pointed out that every Saturday I say he can have him all day and he says no, and that he should start by having him locally for a longer period he kicked off.

    Telling me I’m being unreasonable. However he doesn’t cope when my son cries and I feel that if he was local at least I could do something. / He could easily bring him back.


    I also let my son get picked up on a weeknight, usually just one a week as that’s all his dad wants, as long as he is back for bedtime and fed / bathed. I am very flexible with this and have often changed the agreed day / time to suit my ex.

    Our son is 11 months old and still breastfed night and day and we co sleep. He’s had solid food feeding issues (we have been referred to speech and language) so is still quite dependant on milk.

    There’s a lot of other things he’s done but that’s the bare bones of it. What would be likely to happen if this went to court as my exes dad has told me court would ruin me and he has enough money and he’s happy to spend it all.

    I’m having counseling at the moment because of our relationship and how it ended and how I have been treated since. I’m exhausted 🙁

    #60235 Report


    Hello, so sorry to hear your going through this. I have been through a similar situation and my ex has taken me to court twice now. His family have a lot of money and have paid for him to have solictors and court fees etc, I have had to represent myself and found it all very difficult but I just told the truth and CAFCAS did a full investigation and he got nowhere near what he kept telling me he would and it all went to my favour and I definitely still hold all the cards so please just tell the truth and always put your child’s feelings and safety first and you will be fine try not to worry and stress as hard as it is your that child’s mother and you no what’s best xx

    #60292 Report


    Hi Singlemamaoftwo,  Hi my colleagues on our helpline would be very happy to talk this through with you. The helpline can be busy, but I think it will be worth it for you. Here is a link to the phone number and opening hours.

    Helpline | Gingerbread

    best wishes, Helen

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