Ex trying to bully me in to 50/50 to avoid maintenance
23 October 2021 at 5:49 am #61827
Hi there, I’m going through a very similar situation and wondered how you got on? My ex is very controlling & is intimidating me using all sorts of threats including cost of court, getting less custody if we go down this route and that I am to stay living with him unless I agree to 50/50 plan he’s proposed. He has never done even 10% of care as he works 5 days a week and has never wanted to do it!! He literally does bath & bed twice a week… that’s it. Worried about costs and not being able to fight for what’s right for my children. They are only two (twins) and see him v much as. Disney Dad. He counterparents snd uses them as pawn to go against me too. It’s heartbreaking 🙁 x25 October 2021 at 8:52 am #61851
i know this is the most horrible time for you but you must realise its all about control.
my ex partner still tries to control me…. But i dont let him. He didnt take me to court / but still threatens me all the time saying he has documented things about me (which i dont doubt) .
unfortunately he has my little one 3 days saturday eve – tuesday eve 43% ( i have 57%) which in the beginning killed me. I was still left to buy everything… so i went to the CSA and as i have the baby more time he was forced to pay £40 a week. I provide all clothing and some toys now. But in the time he has the baby i work as much as i can, clean my home, sort the laundry and have a bath. Just have some alone time to re charge your batteries.
its been 12 months now and he begs to get back with me as he didnt realise how hard this situation actually was. He has even moved in with his mother.
but i will continue with this arrangement as i feel he eventually get fed up when he wants to date or finds another partner.
Be strong … as long as your a good mum and can prove this to the court ( if he takes you). Ps document everything and if your in an abusive relationship like i was ( doesn’t have to be physical/ control and cohersion exists !!!
good luck ride this through xxxx30 October 2021 at 7:33 am #62010
I completely sympathise with you here. It’s great your ex is involved in keeping him but with you providing majority of things, and buying additional needed items, you are the one out of pocket. I know this might not help much, but even if time is split 50/50, one parent is seen as the main care giver, likely to be you, as you are the one that facilitates everything. Taking that into account the other parent still has to make child maintence payments to help over the additional costs, ie uniforms, etc. The amounts is reduced considerably as they other parent has them half the time, however this is on the basis they provide everything for them on the days they are responsible for them. My ex has tried to threaten me with this many times, it’s nothing to do with seeing his son more it’s spite as he hates that his money is used to help run my house, but that’s because he can go weeks without keeping him one overnight so I provide everything. Although reluctantly, I eventually went through CSA and his wages have been arrested, because he can go umpteen holidays , wear best of gear etc but can’t buy a nursery jumper.
my advise, although will be hard is do not provide anything at all on the days he has him. No extra clothes, no uniform, no nothing, that’s only way he will realise the additional costs you have to incur. I tried with my son, but ended up compromises with what I would send, for example I couldn’t see him go without his tablet as he uses at bed time and takes with him to his dads, I know keeping it here will upset my son more than prove a point to his dad but I’ve sent him on a nursery night without a uniForm, my son wasn’t bothered but he’s dad was up to hi do trying to sort him an outfit. And safe to say it was awful, complete mix and match of all colours lol. I only done that because when I gave him prices for uniform he ignored me then booked weekend away without his son. Now his wages are being arrested to help with costs, not that he’s happy about it but only way to do it now