Ex threatening me over our child and access, feeling so down

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  • #6675 Report


    Hello all,

    This is my first post here so hopefully I can get some advice.

    My ex and I were together for 17 years and we have one daughter who is 10. We split last December (2016) and agreed child contact arrangements between us.

    I have our daughter one full night during the week, plus one evening for dinner before dropping her home. I also have her every other weekend Friday night to Sunday evening.

    This has been working well and my daughter seems happy and settled. I live with my parents and so we spend the majority of the nights I have my daughter there, although we may stay a Friday night at my girlfriends when she does not have her children (two boys and a 2 bed flat).

    My issue is that my ex is unhappy with the fact I stay with my parents and also whenever I do not agree to her demands she threatens to take me to court and force me to change my working hours so I have to do school pick ups and drop offs. And also that she will get full custody and be able to choose as and when I see my daughter.

    I work a job that is 7.45am until 5.45pm and is (traffic dependent) around 45minutes away from where my ex lives and my daughters school. I have been in the same job for almost 20 years and the hours have never changed. The job I do is not conducive to part time or flexible hours and if I had to do school pick ups and drop offs it would mean I would lose my job which I can’t afford to do. I work in an industry that has seen a sharp downturn over the past 12 months and as such redundancies and pay freezes have been a regular occurance. I have worked my way up the ladder and earn a good wage for my role.

    Is this something she can force me to do? I am really worried and its affecting my sleeping and health. I do a lot for my daughter and always try to accommodate my ex if she has to work or wants to go on holiday. I pay half the after school childcare costs on top of maintenance.

    #6693 Report


    Solo mum is right, she hasn’t got right to force the terms.

    Make sure you keep all documentation, emails and texts. Get them printed off and store them. Make a diary. If it does go to court they can be used. Try not to get in a battle with her, stay focused on your daughter and not on the ex. Assume all contact with your ex is being kept/recorded so only say things to her that you are prepared to hear in court. Get a spy voice recorder, less than £15, if she starts to accuse you of things.

    Don’t get stressed, keep calm, stay focused.


    #6700 Report


    Thank you both for your replies.

    I have her every other weekend, one night a week and the extra evening is when my parents collect her from school and take her back home for tea. I then see her after work and then take her back home to her mother.

    There are no safeguarding issues with my daughter. My parents have a 4 bed house and my daughter has the choice of her own room although often she likes to sleep in the same room as me – it is a large room with two single beds. When we stay at my girlfriends we do so when she doesn’t have her children (who are boys) so my daughter has the room to herself.

    My ex seems to have an issue with the fact I do not have my own house and therefore am unable to provide, in her words, a stable environment for my daughter.

    My main concern was that she would be able to force me to have to do school pick ups and drop offs on my days despite it interfering with my work.

    Her latest threatening came because she wants me to have our daughter extra days in May and I am unable to because I am away. These are not my usual days to have our daughter hence I was able to agree to the time away as it did not interfere. I have accommodated her mother’s requests in order that she can go on holiday in the past so it’s not that I am being difficult.

    I do all the pick ups and drop offs to her mothers house on the days I have my daughter, yet when I asked her if she could drop off to me and collect her one weekend this month because I’m having an operation and will not be allowed to drive for a couple of weeks, she refused.

    As well as threatening these things she insists on copying both our parents in on these emails. I don’t know why, maybe just to cause more stress so I then give in to her demands.


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