Ex thinks I should share tax credits

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  • #17904 Report

    theyogajeanie
    Participant

    Hi everyone. I’m after a little bit of advice and hoping someone on here can help! I had been giving my (soon to be) ex husband a share of the tax credits and child benefit that I receive for our 2 little girls. I did this because he told me that he rang the inland revenue, and they told him that this is what should be happening. After chatting to a few people, me aware that this may not be the case, so I called the IR myself. They said that I should not be giving him anything. I told him this and have not sent him any since then, however his reaction has not been good. He’s threatened me with taking full custody of the girls, taking half of my pension, basically making things very difficult for me and generally being horrible. He also said that he’s keeping a record of all the money I’m now ‘withholding’ from him. I work part time and have our girls 75% of the time. He works full time. He pays me no child maintenance and when I asked him today for half of the cost of our eldest’s school meals, he said that he would ‘add it to the amount he wants back’.

    Can he do this? Am I in the wrong here? I’m terrified about what he do next.

    #17924 Report

    theyogajeanie
    Participant

    Thank you so much for replying, Anonymous Mummy.

    He’s had Friday- Sunday every other weekend, plus Wednesday overnight. He demanded more- every Tuesday and Wednesday nights, plus Fri- Mon every other weekend. I wasn’t happy with that so rather than have a battle with him, I’ve agreed that he can take the girls Fri-Mon as requested, but no more through the week. Both girls have said that they don’t want this to happen as they’d rather be with me. I’ve applied for a residency thing with the court- so that I can have it made official, and so that he can’t just keep the girls and not return them.

    In truth I’m absolutely terrified that he’s going to make out like I’m a bad mum ( I know I’m not, but still) and that the court will say that my beautiful girls are better off in his care than mine. I’m terrified that the advice I’ve been given is wrong and that I’ll have to pay him money that I just don’t have. I’ve obviously got a solicitor, but the ex has said that she’s giving me bad advice and that I’ll end up in trouble. I’m just feeling very much like I’m out of my depth.

    #17926 Report

    My2amazinggirls
    Participant

    Do not be scared. Anonymous is spot on. If anyone has to pay anything back you would actually have a case in getting the money you have been sharing with him back!! not the other way around. You really need to stay strong for the sake of your girls. Take emotion out of it and look at the facts. You applied for your benefits based on your circumstances if they meant for you to split it, they would split it for you because you’re separated.

    It seems like you are still listening to what he thinks over anybody else and believe me I know where you are on that one as I did that for so long but stop and listen to your voice and the voices of people who have your best interest at heart and you will feel much better and you will see it for what it is.

    You are not a bad person for not giving him money you are entitled to.

    Good luck and I please don’t feel any shame in getting help for emotional support for your own mental well being. I did and it has put me in a completely different place

     

    #17943 Report

    theyogajeanie
    Participant

    The girls are 8 and 5. I’m not sure why they don’t want to stay for the 3rd night when it’s his weekend- I think it’s just a case of wanting their mam instead. 3 nights in a row is a long time to be away from me.

    Re the child maintenance, I think I’m going to wait until after the court has made a decision regarding the girls’ custody arrangements. I don’t want to give my ex any excuse to be anymore horrible than he’s already been.

    #17981 Report

    theyogajeanie
    Participant

    That’s true- his threats are empty and have no basis so I know I shouldn’t allow myself to be intimidated. I have asked him for half of the girls’ childcare costs today- we’ll see if he pays me anything for that. I’m not sure whether to broach maintenance with him or just go straight to the CMA or whatever it’s called?

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