Ex taking me to court for child arrangement order

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  • #55862 Report



    I separated from my ex 3 years ago we have 2 children age 6 and 3 years.

    He has made no contact or seen the children in 15 months.I have brought them up myself.
    within this time he has sent me messages being emotionally abusive and a Suicide letter.

    he is now taking me to court as he withdrew from mediation even though I attended and he initiated it.

    I am currently off work with anxiety and I can’t see how I will ever get passed not having my children all of the time. I am devastated at the thought and can’t stop over thinking about the future.

    im hoping someone can give me advice on child arrangement orders and how likely I’ll be to have my children and how much contact he will receive.

    I am also hoping anyone who has experienced what I’m going through can give me any advice or support as I feel my hearts broken, my kids are my world



    #55865 Report


    So luckily for you and your children no judge in the land will just hand your kids over. Granted he has made no contact but maybe look at the better side that at least he is trying now. If you have genuine concerns about the welfare of your children (suicide note etc) then take your evidence to court. Gather the evidence. The court will do an assessment on him and based on the level of risk they will start off with supervised contact. This will start slow and can be lengthy. If in time he put things right and loves and cares for them your anxiety will naturally fade. You will know your children are happy and tha maybe you will start to enjoy some of your own time.
    He has parental responsibility so providing he puts in and wants and shows the children and you he is committed then he could potentially have them weekends or whatever arrangements suits.

    #55872 Report


    Thanks for the reply Leanne1

    i am concerned for my children because of his mental well-being so CAFCASS are completing a section 7 report.

    my ex partner is such a compulsive liar and so manipulative I am scared that he will pull the wool over the eyes of the judge etc.

    he owes a lot of money to dangerous people, banned from driving several times for drink driving and driving whilst disqualified, apparently attempted suicide and sent me and my family a suicide letter, it was basically him blaming everyone else.

    I’m scared the judge won’t take any of this into account and I know it’s all about the children’s wishes and feelings but if they don’t say how they’re feeling to a stranger because they are so young surely their voice should be heard through their own mum.

    it was his choice not to see the children and now he has nothing left no job no money no friends he wants to be involved and I’m unsure what his motive is.


    #55953 Report


    You are 100% right to be wary and take all precautions.

    Please don’t be deterred by anyone who will talk about his rights or the kids right to see their father,fight for what you think is safe and right.If he really Did care abou t them he’d get his act together & clean up.His behaviour so far from what you write,is unacceptable.Good Luck & 💗

    #56003 Report


    Thankyou Gumibear123

    his behaviour really is unacceptable.

    I know every case is different but has anyone been in a similar situation and what was the outcome of this please?

    #56010 Report


    in court, cafcass check police records, so if he has a bad past, it will show up. and they will assess his level of risk with children based on that. if they think he is a fit parent, then likely he could have kids every other weekend, or more if his work is flexible.

    #56015 Report


    Thanks for the reply steve3334

    I know the police records will show the banned driving and the missing person episode, but I don’t think his work took legal action for the money owed to them and the people he owes money to aren’t the people who would have reported this to the police if you know what I mean!

    he doesn’t work as he can’t get a job.

    Do you know if at a final hearing the judge sets the days/times etc or is this built up gradually?
    also do I have any say at all?

    #56029 Report


    Hi Della,

    I’m one of the moderators here. You don’t mention if you have a solicitor or legal adviser helping you. If you don’t, we have some information on where to find legal help which lists organisations offering specialist legal advice on family law matters and the court process: https://www.gingerbread.org.uk/information/legal-help-and-responsibilities/getting-legal-help/

    Best wishes,



    #56033 Report


    I don’t think court will show much interest in his debts. they will focus on whether its safe for child to see father. You can agree or disagree with him or courts decision. outcome can be unpredictable.

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