Ex taking control of childcare arrangements

[HelenCParticipant]

Hi there, not sure where to start. Husband left me last year then moved to another part of country. We have 3 children, 14 12 & 8 all living with me. We have a childcare routine which I have not had much choice in and with any other arrangements, it’s always a case of his job being too far away so we have to do what’s convenient for him. He is very manipulative and I’m not able to dispute things. Obviously the holidays have altered arrangements, on both sides, we’ve had to adjust, which I’ve also had to agree to a lot I didn’t want. He now wants my eldest to stay with him a few extra days, I have tried to say no but it’s always an argument if he doesn’t get his own way. My main concern is that he wants my son to stay in his apartment alone whilst he drives 2 hours back here to bring the other two home. Then a 2 hour drive back. So my son will be on his own all that time at his dads. I know he’s 14 and ok to stay at home but I’m really not comfortable with it. How can I stop this?

[SOLOMUMMYParticipant]

At 14 what does your son want?

I don’t think being alone for four hours is unreasonable,  though I’d prefer him to come for the drive.

Ultimately,  if the son is comfortable and wants to do this, then there’s not a lot you can do.

Why does he want him to stay longer?

[HelenCParticipant]

He’s been away for 3 weeks with his friend and family so neither of us have seen him. They’re with me this week and dad next week. Then the last few days of the hols (the other 2 go back to school on the Thursday after) I had made plans with my son on his last day but now his dad wants him to stay there. He stays home all the time on his own but he’ll be up in Liverpool while dad brings the other 2 back to Leicester. He’s happy to do it but he doesn’t know anyone there.

 

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