Ex seeing children
5 November 2020 at 8:53 pm #45444
My husband had an affair and left me just over a month ago. We have 2 children a 3 year old and a 4 month old. He had since moved in with the woman he had affair with 2 hours away! He has been seeing the children at my house. He is now saying he wants to take them there but I do not know this woman. He doesn’t even know her properly! I think it is too soon for my children to meet someone and also I have seen videos of her own social media and she is not the type of person I would want my children around! Her language is awful and she is really rough. Have I got the rites to say no?5 November 2020 at 9:43 pm #45445
I too am looking for advice on this matter. It is horrible isn’t it. I hope you are ok.
My husband wants to take our 6 month old to a person i do not know and feel so anxious about it, it is all i can think about. She lives with her mother and brothers i know nothing about, and was vile to me when i uncovered the affair and said i was pregnant. She did not care at all and sent me a horrible message.
Doesn’t seem fair that auch a cruel person will be involved in bringing up my baby 🙁6 November 2020 at 8:16 am #45446
Unfortunately you have to put your emotions/feelings and resentment to one side . A dad should be able to see his children.
Lr88 your baby is only 6 months so she/he wouldnt be an issue if he has a partner or not. However due to young age your ex partners time would be very limited i imagine 2-4 hours at a time. Depending on if she/he is breastfed or having a bottle. If she/he was having a bottle time could be longer. Overnights rightly could be off to a later date as you would rightly be very anxious for many reasons.
Nancyrosie. Your situation is similar however you have a 3 year old as well. If he was to have both children initially , until at least early next year he should be having both children together and on his own without partner present. Again in your situation you are within your rights to not allow overnights and say this is something you can consider further down line . I would say probably until your baby is at least 1 and there are no issues. With baby been so young he would still have option of having baby at your house if still allowed. I also see she lives 2 hours away so overnights are going to not happen for a very long time. I do understand you are very angry at your ex partner and even if it went to family court it would probably be a long time before he could have children overnight due to circumstances and the 2 hour travelling. If you are unable to talk which is understandable you could try mediation to resolve anything.6 November 2020 at 8:43 am #45447
it does seem odd that it works that way and it puts a lot of hurt on you but unless you have information about a danger the child or children will be in with this other person, there is no way of preventing it from happening. What I gathered is mostly people think you have to put up with it and try to make it as smooth for the children as you can, which is obviously testing. Being betrayed by the person you trusted and then hand over the children to the very person who made it possible is a daunting prospect. I found it very hard and was struggling a lot not to let my anger get in the way. Also it was the fear of somebody I had no information of and didn’t know being so closed to the children. Their mother introduced her new lover literally the day after I left the house because she was threatening me in front of the children with violence. The hardest thing I ever did in my life. Protecting the children by giving someone else I didn’t even know and hadn’t even heard of a few days earlier unlimited access to our children and being restricted to one daily phone call to them myself.
I now live with our two boys, she is on her third boyfriend, whose name I don’t know and there is no doubt where the children feel safe. Eldest one is doing his A-levels all with As and A*s, little one just made it into grammar school. She made her choices. I couldn’t influence those but my choices to keep the children safe and not let my anger or resentment get in the way of making the best decisions for the children were good.
The way they come, is the way they go. You are their mother and you will be there for them when everyone else is long gone. And if it works out well, then the children will have one more responsible adult in their life. Obviously a bonus as there seems to be a lack of them with only one among their parents.
You will get over it. There is a time for everything. Keep focused on yourself and be a reliable parent. I know how hard it is. But you can do it.6 November 2020 at 9:21 am #45448
Absolutley i really want my boy to have healthy relationships with boy me and his dad. I encourage this but sadly my hub doesnt seem much interested (always late for contact just one exanple of many many things. Never asks how he is, has never bought him so much as a teddy from the pound shop. Could go on and on.
I think the function of asking about taking baby to her is more causing ne hurt i fear and it’s working as i am so anxious atm. Wouldn’t wish it on anybody. Hope everyone else is ok xx6 November 2020 at 9:29 pm #45468
I am new and just signed up, firstly thank you for sharing and it makes me feel that i am not alone.
I left with my daughter due to domestic abuse that was extended to her too, the ex has been manipulative and did the same with the legal procedure and this has caused me extreme anxiety on top of what i have experienced being the survivor of his abuse and witnessing my very young daughter also being dragged into his games.
Now the court has ordered to start contact without supervision and i feel devastated as how this would affect my young baby as i wont be able to communicate with him and ask anyone of how she would be when she sees him.
I am really disappointed by the legal system as they do not consider the domestic abuse when it is emotional and coercive behavior.
I am also very worried on how the future contact would be as he is pushing for 50 50 custody whilst he has never been interested in our family time at the time and her specifically and does not know her needs, not the emotional or physical and I am the one whom she knows as a stable base and knows her every needs.
I am feeling helpless at times but trying to do what i can do, the next thing on the court proceeding is the section 7 report which i really hope the persons who is going to do this would consider my concerns more carefully before they put their report in front of the court.
I feel very confused and apprehensive about the coming up visit and how I can trust things would go well whilst i have witness how she has been struggling in his care.
thanks again and all the best for you too.