Ex says child benefit means he doesn’t have to pay

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  • #42227 Report

    Doubrie Wotsit
    Participant

    My ex and I have 3 children and have been separated for 6 years. He used to contribute financially, but now he says that he shouldn’t have to pay because I get child benefit and he doesn’t. He says he has them 2-3 nights a week and also has to provide them a home so I can’t say that I get that to provide the home. He doesn’t pay for anything for the children, do any clothes or shoe shopping, contribute to school dinners or trips. I also do all of the children’s laundry and pack clothes for them while they are at their dads- which then come back to me to launder. Does he have a point? Or should I for the first time in 6 years appeal to the CSA for support?

    #42229 Report

    picklepie24
    Participant

    My ex says the same thing.  I too used to pack clothes, deal with all the washing, take packed lunches into school even though the kids weren’t with me, pay for all childcare, pay for all clothes and school trips etc..

    I had to go to court for a child arrangement order for a number of reasons and this saw the number of overnights he had them increase to 2 nights one week, 4 nights the next. This being the case since March I have refused pack a bag for every sleepover and have given him half the clothes/shoes i had for the kids and he now has to pay the childcare on the days he has them during term time.  The only problem i have is him returning them to me in clothes that are too small knowing i would never let them wear them again.  I have always had to use the cms because i am unable to talk with him and they only reduced his payments by £80 month with the new arrangement, he is livid but legally the children reside with me.

    I use the cms because it means i don’t have to argue with him about money, they assess him every year and he pays it, although most months he won’t pay me until almost midnight on the day it’s supposed to be paid, yes he is that much of an arse.

    #42252 Report

    Doubrie Wotsit
    Participant

    So Picklepie24, do you get all the child benefit AND maintenance from your ex? The cms consider that fair? What additional costs do you have that he doesn’t – since they are with him much of the time too?  I mean I still have all the additional costs because he doesn’t buy anything, but until I spend more each month than the £194 child benefit on actual tangible items like clothes he doesn’t need to contribute at all. Does he have a point?

    #42254 Report

    picklepie24
    Participant

    I work full time and i claim tax credits and child benefit I also get maintenance.  This has all been done through the court and cms and they say he still has to pay me maintenance.  I was quite surprised that it was still £50 a week for 2 kids but i’m not going to argue with them.   The children require more than just things like clothes and school trips they also need you to be able to afford to keep a roof over their heads by paying rent/mortgage, utilities etc.  I don’t have to justify to my ex what i spend the money on as long as the children are well looked after and have everything they need it’s not really any of his business.  The children are with me 60% of the time, if i had a better relationship with my ex and he wasn’t an abusive, unapproachable nutcase I would probably be in a position to negotiate things but as that is never going to happen i’m just sticking with the cms, they have a copy of the court order and have assessed him accordingly.

    If you are happy not to have maintenance and can afford to live as you are then that’s good, but you can get him assessed and tell him how much he should pay in maintenance and even if you don’t want it it will open his eyes to the fact he’s getting off lightly.

     

    #42269 Report

    Doubrie Wotsit
    Participant

    Thank you Picklepie24. I also work full time and the kids are with me a 60-70% of the time. So our situations are similar. I have three children and I suppose I just wanted to hear that I wasn’t being unreasonable thinking that I should get the child benefit and a contribution from their father if I am to be paying for everything and doing all the main carer things like laundry. I think I will pursue an assessment of him through cms then as I do not know what he earns so I cannot use the calculator. I know it will make him freak out at me… but I don’t have to listen do I- cheers

    #42270 Report

    AEEH27FEE
    Participant

    50 pound a week for 2 kids. I have one child and contribute 50 every fortnite plus the couple 100 cms take from my employer. He is 6 and my only child. His mother taking liberties as he comes to my house totally unplanned and ready meaning on top of the 200plus,i feed him clothe him shower him. And put a roof over his head. I don’t earn enough for the cms to be taking from me but she is taking money from me via my bank account. This is not fare

    #42273 Report

    picklepie24
    Participant

     

    Doubrie Wotsit – It cost £20 to register a new case but that’s all you have to pay then they collect all the info and you’ll get a letter.  I have been dealing with the csa now cms for over 12 years with 3 different cases (4 children, very complicated life).  It’s worth doing because then you don’t have to discuss money with him they can do it saves a lot of arguments.

    Aee27fee – if you are already paying through the cms via your employer there is no need to give her more on top.  They have assessed you and you are already paying.  I wouldn’t give over any extra cash and she certainly shouldn’t be taking money without your permission that is a criminal office.

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